|Current mood:|| blank|
I woke up this morning completely disoriented. I sat bolt upright panicking, trying desperately to find my bearings. I couldn't get out of my bed because I couldn't see which side of the bed the wall is on. All the while my alarm clock kept getting louder. And thus began my day.
This morning while I was getting into the shower everything I wanted to write ran through my head. Many many things that would have made a nice big post but now that I've got a pen and paper and time to write it's all gone. Or rather it's still there and I don't know how to write it coherently. My mind is messy. All my thoughts tumble around tangled up like clothes in a washing machine. This makes it quite difficult to write my thoughts. Maybe I'll take Nolan's advice and invest in a tape recorder. It would certainly help.
It seems to me that for at least the last week I've been wandering around emotionless. I'm happy when I'm with my friends but I'm not happy enough for the good mood to last longer than a few hours (and that's on a good day) after my friends are gone. After that I'm back to being blank and just not caring. It would actually be easier if I was depressed, at least there would be something there. The closest I've been to feeling anything, other than when I'm with my friends, is boredom and mild annoyance. I just want to sleep. Sleep makes it all better. Of course it only works if you can sleep, which has been a problem for me. I'm wondering if I'm coming down with something or if it's just the wonderful hormonal wackiness that precedes menstruation, which would explain the sore breasts, increased appetite and nausea should I decide not to eat. I'm bored with life. The things that I usually enjoy have become boring to me. I haven't watched Buffy for about a month, something I used to be rabid about. I haven't been able to get into any novels. My music is boring me. I'm listened to it all so often in the last little while that I'm sick of it all. I still listen to it though because it's better than silence and the chatter of people I don't know or don't care about.
I've been getting drunk and/or stoned a lot more in the last little while. I'm more willing to do things around the house when I'm stoned. I love making salad while listening to my Discman after toking. I like looking around the kitchen, taking in everything about the moment and knowing that nobody else will ever live that exact experience, it's unique to me.
My eyes are burning, my mind has gone blank and I have math work to do now.
Don't ask me. I don't live here; I just wander from room to room.