| Current mood: |  frustrated |
| Current music: | midtown |
kill me quick
ive been doing alot of thinking. i actually thought so much as i sat in front of my mirror on the floor of my room and i took a good look at myself and realized alot of things about myself. not just the stupid things like my makeup was too dark and my hair was messed up, but my insecurities, my personality, who i really am. i realized im scared, of my self and whats becoming of me. im afraid of what im doing, what im thinking, im afraid im going to turn into a junkie. im afraid im going to turn into a porcelian priss, and worry about how i look, and what people think about me, and if i have a boyfriend and stupid things the people i hang out with think of. i dont want to be like amanda or like elizabeth or melissa . i want to be me. ive been so absorbed in what everyone thinks is "cool" . i want to be able to admit thats ive made mistakes and ive experimented with drugs and that im proud of the fact that i dont like rap and im ghetto and im not prissy and boys arent the only things on my mind, and that im my own person and i think about things besides those of in my little self obsessed world, and that i paint, and i read alot and i like classic rock and grunge and im not a punk or a skater or even fit into a catagory at that. im retro, im classic, im artsy, im preppy-ish, im . . . me.im not anything more or anything less and im sick of lying to myself and doing things i hate. they say the first year of high school is when you find out who your real friends are, . . . well i guess its happening a little earlier than planned.
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