a smile in her eyes and a sunflower in her hair.* (retro_chica) wrote, @ 2009-07-23 10:53:00

The Mirror that Showed No Reflection - But a Portal.
Look at me. Don't bury your face in the sand and say that a million excuses like distance, and not knowing about something can keep you from trying to understand me. You put your foot into this, and once the mud hits your skin, you can't lie and say you don't feel the layer of thick wetness touching your ankle.

Look at me. Look what I've become. Look that I'm many things you didn't account for. Do I disappoint you? Have you changed, have I changed? Have we both had something happen?

I knew it. I knew it since the moment you sat me in the chair and didn't understand me for the first time. I felt this was the end of what used to be. You said we grew, grew closer. And I believed you. But ever since, I've been more fragile than a broken piece of glass, and all I can feel is your sharp, six inch stiletto crushing me into even tinier pieces. You say you sympathize, empathize. I believe you.

Look at me. I'm crying.

What happened?

Do you think I play the pity card? Do you think I've become overly sensitive?

I think I've been hit in the ribs one too many times this summer, and it's never happened before from people I care about. I didn't expect this.

Look at me. I'm not excusing myself. I'm tired of doing it. You don't accept the way I act unless I do so. I could tell you I'm overworked, stressed beyond belief about piano, and about paying for university. About maintaining sanity in the face of my parents, about a million other reasons that have made me into this. This person I don't want to be.

LOOK AT ME. Look at me please. Look at me for who I am. Not for my excuses, not for what's happened that makes you think like its two puzzle pieces that don't fit. See me for the person you know I am, and try to understand and love me, like the way I have always done for you.

I never put you in this position. Never expected to be here either.

I'm glad I am though. New roads teach you new things. So even with dust in my eyes, even with a million obstacles and hurdles in my way,

look at me.

Look at me. Look at me.

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