a smile in her eyes and a sunflower in her hair.* (retro_chica) wrote, @ 2008-09-06 22:39:00

I was the peanut butter, you were the jelly.
what a cruel thing it is to possess a memory
how it wrenches and twists and squeezes you into a tube that
does not allow you to do anything
except scream and gasp for breath.


and cry.

and all you can do is look up at what you're facing
the very truth that strangles life from your cradled eyes.

you can't do anything about it.
can't change, can't help, can't save with it is that
breaks you.

i can't move.

your eyes still sparkle the way they always did.



but they don't see me anymore.
they've forgotten me.
those strong, graceful eyes that embraced me,
even when i gave her the burnt popcorn.

the ones that held me int he night when my feet were cold
and no one else would warm them for me.



i shake your arms,
i shake myself,
hoping that like an etch-a-sketch
i can bring the lief i loved and held so dearly
back.

come back.

please come back.


you can't do this.
we had plans.
you promised you would come to my graduation
and clap and cry and be so proud of me.

your little girl would have finally
grown up into the perfect young
lady you raised like your own.

we were going to do the Queen wave
and lift our heads high in the picture
just like you promised.

but you don't feel me anymore.
someone else lives inside you.
a stranger peers through your eyes,
and,
and its not home anymore.

* * *

where are you my love?
where have the doves spirited you off to in the depths
of thick and sweet smelling clouds?
are you in your happy place?
did you find peace?

do you search for your little girl the way i do when i look in your eyes for the person i loved most?

are you lost?
do you struggle in your body,
fighting big ugly monsters to get to us?
are you fighting them with all your strength?
of course you are,
you're a fighter, you always were.

you always healed the quickest in every way imaginable.
you taught me that too.

when you broke your arm i always propped up the pillow because
you hated wearing your sling,
and when i had the fever you never left my side for a minute,

i remember laughing when you sent mom and dad for everything then.

you never really left my side

until now.

and all i have now is your beautiful face
and the best memories i've ever had
living in two bodies.


mica, where are you?

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