| Current mood: | gone |
| Current music: | Total Eclipse Of The Heart |
Why is it that the people I love the most hurt me? Truly hurt me deeply. It's like that's what I'm here for. To be yelled at, ignored, pushed away, or used. And I know it's my fault because I don't know how to say no, please dont do this, please don't put me in this situation. It's like I've got a sign on my back saying " Please tear apart my world and break my heart."
And that's fine. Because in my heart I believe that we're all good people, and that everyone has a good heart, but sometimes we think about ourselves more than others. I understand that. I really do. But why hurt people? Really, why? Is it some kind of pleasure kick? Some kind of high, that gives you joy out of watching people stumble and fall and never be able to pick themselves up completely?
Having your whole world crash is the scariest thing ever. It's the moment, the second that you realize everything you believed in, everything you thought you knew was wrong. Where you see that everything that mattered before doesn't mean anything anymore. You have to rebuild and pull yourself from the damage. And sometime after the smoke clears, you realize that your the one that started the fire.
I never asked to watch people come in and out of my life. I never asked for people to realize that they can use me for whatever they need at the time because I would rather hurt then anyone else ever feel pain at all. And I believe that I can take on all the pain, even though I can't. I can't do anything right, so how could I do that?
I know that you guys must all think that I get myself hurt. Or I'm just this big baby, because I know it seems like I can't take care of myself. I understand that to. I really do. I'm sorry if I seem that way. I know sometimes I must be the big huge burden in your life, who gets in the way. I'm sorry for that too.
One day everything's going to be okay. Be perfect and happy and beautiful. Though truly everything is beautiful and perfect in its own way. Everything is flawed, which makes it different. Being different is beautiful. But I want everyone else to feel that way. So I'll do what I can for you. I'll try my hardest. But please don't tell me you want me to be happy to make you happy. I've heard that a million and one times before. I can't be happy. I don't know how. And I just..it's about everyone else. Not me. Really.
This is my song for right now, I guess. It made me cry. Everything does of course, but that's okay.
Turnaround, every now and then I get a
little bit lonely and you're never coming around
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of my tears
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified and then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and I dream of something wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I'm lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry and I know I've got to get out and cry
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit terrified but then I see the look in your eyes
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround bright eyes
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll never be the boy you always you wanted to be
Turnaround, every now and then I know
you'll always be the only boy who wanted me the way that I am
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's no one in the universe as magical and wonderous as you
Turnaround, every now and then I know
there's nothing any better and there's nothing I just wouldn't do
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
Turnaround bright eyes, Every now and
then I fall apart
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you'll only hold me tight
We'll be holding on forever
And we'll only be making it right
Cause we'll never be wrong together
We can take it to the end of the line
Your love is like a shadow on me all of the time
I don't know what to do and I'm always in the dark
We're living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Forever's gonna start tonight
Once upon a time I was falling in love
But now I'm only falling apart
There's nothing I can do
A total eclipse of the heart
Once upon a time there was light in my life
But now there's only love in the dark
Nothing I can say
A total eclipse of the heart
I should go now. I gotta..go clean sumfin..up..cause.. I got..it all over da place.
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