| Current mood: | eh |
| Current music: | You're A God: Vertical Herizon |
~*~ Without You Boy, My Life Is Incomplete~*~
I feel a lot now that everything I thought I knew is truly nothing at all. That everything I've ever believed in is simply that. Pure belief in something that's not possible, or wasn't " meant for me."
I had all these big dreams for myself. Going to college, and studying anything and everything. Feeling smart, and becoming educated. There's so much I want to learn and so much FOR me to learn. I was going to become that psychologist and help people. Or that writer and maybe touch someone's life.
That's never going to happen now. I'm such a failure. Hell, I couldn't even graduate from high school, much less college. PSHH. I can't help other people when I don't even have my own sanity so that rules out psychologist. Writer? Yeah right. My writing is medicore. It sucks.
I wanted to fall in love, you know? Find someone I loved unconditionally, and who loved me back. Someone to fall asleep beside and wake up to everyday for the next 80 years. Instead I get Justin. Who emotionally wrecked the fuck out of me. JP who loved me, but now he's gone too. Besides, I wasn't fair to him. I couldn't love him as much as he wanted and deserved because I'm not over Erik Michael. Which leaves- Erik. How does that still control my life? It's been almost a year without him. But I love him. And loving him holds me back from EVER being able to look down at my finger and see that wedding band.
I'll never be able to have a little one of my own. Hell, I want that more than anything. But, it won't happen. I'm a failure. The biggest fucking failure ever.
Why why, can't something go right? Just one thing, anything? Him?
I realized that I don't FEEL anyones love anymore. I know people love me but I don't feel it. I think that's what I need right now. To feel and know and be loved. But I can't. And that's the damnation of it all.
She cries that life is like,
Some movies black and white,
Dead actors fake their lines,
Over and over again they cry
"Death can not stop true love, only delay it for a little while." ~Princess Bride
"How can you love someone so much, that you just met?"~Where The Heart Is
"Let go of what's gone, hold on like hell to what you've got"~Where The Heart Is
LoVe,
DoRk A$$
(Read comments)
|
