im going to rant again cause thats the only thing that helps
okay well here goes i feel like shit like last time. i feel really fat and ugly, tired and really sick to my stomach like all the time. it sucks really bad. i hate fucking material things. i hate that i just cant leave people alone cause i know there better off without me in there lifes but i care about them to much and it would hurt to much to let them go. i know i have to so i have to let go of kyle when i leave so he can have a better life and felly too. i just hate how i have to cause she makes me so happy but we cant be together cause im moving and it just wont work. everytime we have gone out something has happened where either her or my friends get in the way so our lifes dont mesh together but she makes me happy for the most part. i also hate how i cant fix her well not her in general but whats happening to her. her best friend makes her feel like shit and she shouldnt. she is amazing in everyway. she has the most caring heart and she is the greatest listener and her personality is great in everyway. and she is so cute her shortness makes her adorable and she has these green eyes you just get lost in and her smile i cant describe it. its out of this world but im just hurting her by staying with her and not lwtting her get over me. i guess im being selfish but i cant get over her iehter especially knowing she isnt over me. then there is kyle he is in love with me and i love him but im not in love with him but there is this something that keeps us from being able to be together. everytime we are official we argue all the time maybe its because both of us cant be tied down or atleast not to each other it sucks. this is why it is better that i leave and not come back for a little while so they can move on. then im torn between leaving and staying. first off i dont do well with chang and everything just fell into place i have my daily routines and it is going to suck to chang them. then there is going to be the good part that i wont have to deal with all the bullshit arguing with kyle each day and that i get my own bed, im living with my best friend and i get to go back to my old routines and my old friends. i just dont know anymore. then theres this new kid i met a couple of weeks ago he is funny and cute which is an awesome combo but i was to scared to lose him because of donnie. donnie told me he couldnt deal with the clingyness but thats who i am so since i didnt want to lose chris because of the same thing i didnt show him that i like him enough and now im afraid that i wont be able to even have that chance to say he is my boyfriend. then theres all the drama with my best friend and everything with the people in west warwick all ready. wel lets give you the jist of it. well theres this girl whitney she is gorgeous bisexual and her boyfriend is a women beatting asswhole. he is so over controlling. well one night before we really knew how bad he was she was fighting with him so she came over to hang out with ash jon me and donnie. we ended up playing strip poker and stuff and then me her and donnie had a threesome. well ever since then we found out that he has been beatting her an dhe never lets her out of the house. well last night she told him everything that has happened that night and i dont know whats he is going to do. i just want eveything to go back to the way it was before i moved and my mom past away.i dont know life sucks and i just hope im not pregnant. well ill ttyl cause kyles being an ass.
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