|Current mood:|| guilty|
|Current music:||none..don't have speakers set up yet!|
the eternal journey to skinniness
sooooooo.. here's my first post.
basically i'm just starting this journal up as my own little support group. i always find it easier to do stuff when i get my feelings out and make sure that i track stuff down on paper. unfortunately i've become way too techno advanced and can't be bothered with that whole pen and paper deal. so here i am.
it's rollin 'round to everyone's favourite season: summer. the season of tiny skirts and tanktops. don't even talk to me about bikinis... anyway.. i've gained soo much weight in the past 6 months and it's about fucking time that i lost it. here's the backdrop:
i used to weigh up around 14 stone just over a year ago. when i graduated, all of a sudden it kicked in that i wanted to be thin.. i think it was to do with the fact that i was moving away. see, i moved from canada to england last fall to live with my bf. i had never really had any relationships before that and had never gotten that much attention from guys. all throughout my childhood and teenage years people had said about me "she has a really pretty face but she could stand to lose a few pounds". i decided that i wanted all of those childhood friends and other people to finally see what i was made of and to see what they were missing out on by not ever asking me out... so i lost soo much weight.. i dropped down to less than 11.5 stone in just a couple of months. i didn't go bulemic or anything.. i ran about 5 km every day and ate really healthily.. i also did yoga and lifted weights and stuff like that. by the end of the summer i was so proud of how i looked. i got attention from guys everywhere i went and it boosted my self confidence SO much.
the problems occured when i moved over here to london.. my bf and i were supposed to be moving out asap, but we had a lot of problems with the flat and it ended up falling through.. basically, the past 8 months have been spent in his dad's house waiting on our new flat......we just moved in on friday. sooo fucking ridiculous but at least we're in now. so anyway, we had been living in north london and the house we were in was a little isolated from anything exciting.. i ended up not working because the flat was always in the midst of being ready, not to mention the fact it would have taken me aaaaaages to get to work every day on foot. to be honest, i ended up doing sweet fuck all. my only friends were my bf's friends - i had no way of meeting people since i wasn't working and i wasn't at school. i got soooooo depressed and in the last few months i've started binge eating.. unfortunately my weight has skyrocketed (well, perhaps a slight exaggeration).
the last time i weighed myself i was probably around 12.5 stone. i would say that i'm definitely more than that now. so basically, this little journal is just going to be my diet tracker and calorie counter in my efforts to lose weight for the summer... well, hopefully for good this time!!
if anybody actually reads this, feel free to leave any comments or helpful suggestions!
i've had a total shit day today soooooo the plan is that the diet starts tomorrow.