Hmmm
So at first i thought this journal thing was kind of lame, but my friend Dave has one, and I thought it might be rather therapeutic to start writing again, cuz i haven't in a while. And anyways who's lamer, me for writing in it or YOU for actually sitting there and reading it haha. Anyways where should I start? Actually I haven't been up to much lately, except looking for a job which I always am haha. I've actually been thinking a lot lately about going back to school. I really miss school, my friends, late nights in the dorm, treking across campus in the dark, the parties, even classes. Its funny how people say your life begins after college, for some of us, it ends.
I've just been thinking alot lately about stuff. Like last night I was thinking about how I tend to hang onto dead end relationships/friendships that aren't going anywhere. People that say they wanna hang out and than don't, and for some reason I still talk to them. A lot of my college friends aren't around anymore, they moved back home, some got married, and are starting lives of their own. I feel like I'm so behind. Not saying I want a husband and rugrats anytime soon, but still I get envious when i see girls i went to high school with engagement rings. It makes me think back to relationships that I had that may have gone somewhere if I hadn't messed them up. I just have a hard time trusting people, so I choose not to. I don't show my emotions, and I can be cold at times. How many times and in how many relationships has the person had to ask me, "So how do you feel about me?" I lost count. I can't seem to return I love you's, I'm afraid of being with someone because I think that I'll get hurt, so I push them away until they gradually disappear. Maybe this is why I always seem to want to be in a relationship-or with a guy-that isnt going anywhere. No worries about commitment, or being hurt, but the funny thing is, is that the loneliness probably hurts more than anyone possible could.
Um, yeah on that note, I think I'm done with substance lacking entry, but I feel better writing in it, so I think I'll continue writing in it at least a couple times a week. I doubt anyone will really read it anyway, but I can give someone something to read for five minutes than I guess its worth it. Peace :)
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