response to her letter
I can't respond to her diary because she doesn't know i'm reading it and wouldn't want a response from me. But there's things I want to say to her to respond and this is my outlet.
i know how you feel. you have every right to feel bad and i know some of the things you want to kill yourself over seem not that big of a deal to most people but they mean enough to you. To not get the basic things out of life that you require, seems like a crime and why live life if you can't just get that. I'm glad that you're telling your mom about what's going on. She seems like she really cares. I'm sorry you're cutting yourself again on your thighs. I wish you wouldn't do that. But I guess it's better then you cutting your wrists. Sometimes I wonder if you're going to live to my age. I hope that you do. But I know you've had it bad for many years now. I don't know how one like yourself can shake it. I look at pictures of you and I see how happy I made you before; your smiling face and your laugh and I wish I could do that for you again, but I know it will never happen again and that you hate me and all men. It's too bad you aren't able to see that you must do some of the changing and aren't able to do it. And that you are so judgemental. for all reasons that weren't enough and none of the reasons that count did you make me happy. In a very simple relationship that requires no talking you made me happy. your kisses, your touch, your I LOVE YOU'S and YOU SMELL SO GOOD, and YOU'RE SO CUTE, held me. I miss kissing you when we met at the door. No one's ever matched you since. Well, I hope you go home to CA to your parents because it seems like it's getting worse out in NY for you by yourself with no physical support. But I know you wish you could make it happen out there. i just don't know what to do with you. but i hope someone can help you. thank you again for introducing yourslef. sending your cute picture and doing all the things we did together. i love you always Claire.