i just want to thank everyone who came out to my graduation show opening night. i was so happy with how many people came out to show their support. it went really well. it was a bit overwhelming at times, but its nice to know that people care.
it was an emotional time. of course. i just about lost it when lauren started crying while giving her speech for Art at his good-bye party. like she said...its crazy to think that the way that we're feeling is probably only one one hundredth of the sadness/loss he is experiencing. he worked here for more than 20 years. his friends, his students, his collegues are here. this is what he knows. how do you just say goodbye to that? i can't even begin to imagine.
right now i've just been in a daze of trying to wrap my mind around the fact that this segment of life is over. after this week i wont be going to the studio anymore. today i set up my space and left a letter for the facutly to read when they come around to decide on a grade for us. my space is so empty.
i've been trying not to think about things that i regret doing/not doing too much. whats done is done, and overall i'm pretty happy. i don't know where a fine arts degree is going to get me, but i know that i had to do something that i loved. i couldn't imagine dreading going to school each day. and i have lots of paintings to show for my hard work. its nice to be able to share that with people.
my professor, Paul keeps saying to me that i have to keep painting. he's been giving me pep talks for the past 2 weeks. its a little strange. i dont know if its because he sees that i'm the type of person to just get wrapped up in day to day life and will forget about this thing that i'm so excited about right now...or maybe he actually sees something in my work and really wants me to pursue it. its so scary thinking about going out to find a real studio, applying to shows and just being an artist outside of school. i've been babied. i get told when there are calls for submissions to shows. i am reminded of deadlines and things that need to be done. but now i'm out on my own. sometimes i think to myself "its fine...i can do this" but then the other side is like "noooo way...this is too much for you. you don't know what you're doing." it sounds negative, but i can't help it. wow what a beautiful mess.
i feel like i need to decide one way or another if i'm going to go in the direction of art or french. do i go somewhere that i can improve my french? do i stick around here and try to get into an arts community? i know it doesn't have to be one or the other, but i feel like i need to focus on one for now....
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