| Current music: | Ben Kweller - Wasted and Ready |
Hey There
Okay, so it's not the first time I've used that subject line. So what? I commented today on her journal. Okay, I still think of her as a friend and I think she's going to be awesome in whatever she does. (You rock) So it's been 3 years since I left. Let's take an inventory since I have. 1.) I have found one of my true callings and am very happy doing it ( but it's never going to stop me from going to med school) 2.) I have proposed to the love of my life (not to discount the other loves of my life, you are all still in my thoughts and I love you dearly, just do what makes you happy and all will be fine) 3.) my parents are the worst parents anyone has ever had. (granted, I've learned such a great deal from them aka: women are the scourge of the earth heheheh) 4.) I have found my proffession (did I even spell that right?) Is pediatrics all its cracked up to be? Kids are awesome and I am unbelievably pissed I can't have any ( :-( )
So here I am, a monday night, my sweetest of sweets is off to work ( which is awesome I love her so much for working as much as she does, even thought she doesn't have to) but I am ....... I don't even know how to categorize how I feel. I'm tired/drunk/bored/wanting/happy/sad/indiscriminant/grammatically incorrect/ heheh I don't even know. It's funny. The other day at one of my clinicals, one of my preceptors told me I had no emotion for the common man and the only thing I could tell her was, and I quote: "Whatever". This is not me. I get along with everyone. I dislike no one. I have never had a problem with whatever I was doing. This was at a clinical at Metro, the only trauma center in C-town. I don't get it, am I heartless? Am I a horrible person? Am I the butt of every joke? I love, but I want? I am, but I know there's more. Is she right or is there that girl that I've already met? Is this me reminiscing(sp?) or is it pre-marriage jitters???? It can't be, I know I love more thant 1 person. I know I am the begninning of something great and the end to something beautiful at the same time. WOW is that confusing. How drunk am I? Ahhhhh, nuts to that. I know my boys from chi-town would tell me I'm idiotic for even thinking such a thing, and worse (but better yet) I know they're right. I can't help but think (and know) Beth is better off without me. She's leading such a great life. But I also can't help to think where I'd be If I'd STAYED???? I am the world's BIGGEST JACKASS. No Dispute champion of the world JAckass of the world and I'm sorry. I dont' know if I have ever said that before but I am sorry. I love you more than life itself and I am sorry. I don't know what else to apologize with. We've been through more than anyone deserves and I am sorry. You are a great person, one I wish I wouldn't have hurt you so much for, but none the less PERFECT. It's three years later and look where we are. you with yours and me with mine. holy crap, i;m obsessing (YIKES). Neverind, just kidding, I love my fiancee with more than life itself. But you were no a rebound girl, no matter what anyone tells you. I introduced you to springsteen, crenshaw, smith, springsteen, matthews, guster, springsteen, better than ezra. We had some more than great times, we had the end of all end times? You know how people ask who would spend the rest of your life on a desert island with you? Wow, so crazy obsessive gitl there, all right, I'm done. Need a refill anyway. I love you all, you all rock, CATCH YA ON THE FLIPSIDE..................
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