|Current mood:|| guilty|
|Current music:||NO SONG CAN DESCRIBE MY FEELING|
oh crap....really bad feeling
ha, i got it. i get it now. i understand. i lied and i lost everything. it's all my fault. he has everyright to hate me. to yell at me, call me horroble things....to ignore me completely to that i never existed. he has all the right to do that. it's the feeling if you ever hit a dog w/ your car(i've never done that but same feeling)and the dog dies....you know you did it and it's all your fault but you try to cover it up w/ something ANYTHING the dog might have done. you did it. i fucked up. there is nothing i can do to change it. i have to have this feeling of rechid guilt and shame for the rest of my life, like how hester prynne wore the A. sure i can cover it up, hell maybe forget about it completly but it will never leave me, what i did stays w/ me and i lost my best friend, a person i cared just as deeply as care about myself, cared for like a brother. now he's gone.