|Current mood:|| predatory|
it's been a less than jovial weekend. friday, i went out and bought clothes for the band concert and such and such; got cat soup; went home and hoped to see . he didn't respond when i spoke to him online and so i messaged that i'd talk later (after my shower.) when i came back to check on him, he had signed offline (but he never ever signs offline). so here i was, super pissed because i had neglected to make back up plans and everyone was out having the time of their lives. when i finally called him, he was with his friend cari or christine or some other name like that. i was more than a little crushed.
really, though, it bothered me because i was just about to open up to him and now i couldn't because he likes other people (actually i got this cleared up with him and i somewhat understand the scenario because i've been there too). Anyways, i went to work saturday and had a logn time to think and eventually conclude what i was to do. just forget about him. i dont need it. but i couldn't because. because that's how i am. no willpower.
after the band concert, i went to dennys with my mom because i was starving and that made me feel better. i had to wait a few minutes, too, because i couldn't be there before 11. actually, i was there 10 minutes early and i hated waiting. i didn't consider that he wouldn't be at his apartment. so i waited and waited and decided that after my cigarette i was gonna leave. i'm just about to put it out when he shows up. it wasn't his fault, though. i was 10 minutes early.
we watched baader which wasn't bad but i was up for a more emotional movie. just not a sad one. seriously, i was at my breaking point and probably would have cried at anything earlier that day. i finall got to hug him and i know he doesn't know how much that means for me but that's about as affectionate as i get. i'll hug everyone at a social setting just to be polite but they don't mean anything. does the value of a hug weigh less than such predictable responses as kissing and such? i scoff at it. anyways, i left feeling rather happy because of the hug, but i really dont think he cared. or noticed. he probably has forgotten i was even there already. well fine. fuck you.