|Current mood:|| blah|
|Current music:||Elegy and Tribute|
I've been unfaithful, Blurty
I apologize dearest inanimate blog. i've been using the myspace one only because it was just right there, you know? I gave in to temptation, so deliver me from....weasel? My attraction is shifting from boy 1 to boy 2. I'm afraid to name them in case either has seen this journal. Which I'm sure they haven't, but YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SURE! oh dear, last year: trivial incident; miscommunication; unnecessary sour notes, etc. ok so here are my archived posts from that journal. :::::::
Monday, April 26, 2004
bored, pantless, and i've decided to whore myself to the survey.
Usually I ignore all of these but what the heck? i'm up for it. i got this from fluffy critter's bulletin.
-- Name: Siobhan
-- Birth date: 8-16-85
-- Nickname: Sio
-- Current Location: Land of the deer
-- Eye Color: grey blue
-- Hair Color: currently black
-- Height: 5'6.5''
-- Righty or Lefty: depends. i can write with both, but i prefer right. i play all non-racket sports left. whaatever.
-- Zodiac Sign: Leo
-- The shoes you wore today: blue converse but almost made the mistake of wearing my sister's fermenting clogs.
-- Your weakness: coca cola
-- Your fears: *ahem* Walking up/down stairs holding a tray full of glasses, tripping, seeing the glass break on the ground below me and landing on it, thus impaling glass into my stomach and slowly bleeding to death. and i feel like i'm going to die every time i'm in a car if i dont take my medication.
-- Your perfect pizza: pep. mushrooms and maybe chicken
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: adult film star and/or nun.
-- Your most overused phrase on AIM: haha
-- Your thoughts when you first wake up: if i don't leave now, i'm gonna lose my job...
-- Your best physical feature: calves of steel, baby
-- Your bedtime: 4 am
-- Most missed memory: twilight summers from my childhood
-- Pepsi or Coke: Are you serious?!
-- McDonald's or Burger King: um....I usually only go to cousins' subs
-- Adidas or Nike: Adidas
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: not sure
-- Chocolate or vanilla: plain chocolate
-- Cappuccino or coffee: pfft, mustard.
-- Cuss: shove it up your pussy you cuntface [is a phrase i will no longer vocalize]
-- Sing: perpetually in the car
-- Take a shower everyday: nope!
-- Have a crush(es): i suppose so
-- Do you think you've been in love: temporarially, but with the ideal, not the real person(s)
-- Want to go to college: in college
-- Like(d) high school: junior year was ok; didn't much enjoy the rest.
-- Want to get married: no
-- Believe in yourself: the only part of my religion so far.
-- Get motion sickness: definitely
-- Think you're attractive: i'd say not particularly, but elderly coworks disagree
-- Think you're a health freak: HA! My diet consists of soda, sugar, cheese and mustard
-- Get along with your parents: my mother is alright when she's not anxious, my dad is ok as long as he takes his prosac
-- Play an instrument: tenor sax, bass, bassoon (to a degree). I have to learn piano but i'm the biggest clutz.
In the past month...
-- Had Sex: techincally i never have i think
-- Made Out: making out is soooo boring
-- Gone on a date: i suppose
-- Gone to the mall?: no
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: No
-- Eaten sushi: No
-- Been on stage: yes
-- Been dumped: no
-- Gone skating: no
-- Made homemade cookies: No
-- Gone skinny dipping: i don't even wear sleeveless shirts
-- Dyed your hair: but really, i'm bald.
-- Stolen anything: no
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: the 'change your clothes and book it before your ass gets canned' game? i swear by it, you know.
-- If so, was it mixed company?: no
-- Been caught "doing something": no
-- Been called a tease: no
-- Gotten beaten up: by my cats? possibly.
-- Shoplifted: once, to see if i could do it.
-- Changed who you were to fit in: I'm a walking doormat. anything to be liked, good sir.
-- Age you hope to be married: i dont want to be married because it'll be too hard to dissapear when i go crazy.
-- Numbers and Names of Children: Felix Mordecai! Carmen Sophia....Trenton...Trenton...Judas Trenton? We could call him Judy for short...
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: in vegas--hellraiser themed--except for that whole i'm not going to be married....oh! but ideally, i'd get a sad, middle-aged divorcee drunk in a vegas hotel bar and have him marry me. then on our 'honeymoon' i'll jump out the window to my death, framing (and hopefully prosecuting) him for my "murder", where he shall spend the rest of his days in jail for no other reason then one night of desperation and some ill-chosen wine. oh, did i mention my suspiciously high life insurance? the best motive if i ever knew one.
-- How do you want to die: skydiving, under the influence of morphine (assuming Plan A doesn't work out)
-- Where you want to go to college: uw-milwaukee
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a telekenetic sprite
-- What country would you most like to visit: revisit scotland and canada, visit czech republic, dubai, tasmania and maybe japan....Italy! Argentina! Wyoming! oh, the choices are as romantic as they are unobtainable. (especially the last one--those black footed ferrets shall remain in my dreams until the end of my days). Ok, i need to calm down.
-- Best eye color? brown i've discovered
-- Best hair color? black
-- Short or long hair: not too short but not past the ears i guess
-- Height: i like the same height or a teensy bit taller
-- Best weight: gangly! Let your hipbones give me bruises (dreya knows what it's all about)
-- Best articles of clothing: socks socks socks!!!!!
-- Best first date location: the GW steakhouse
-- Best first kiss location: I try not to think about it.
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: 2 plus Cleo.
-- Number of CDs that I own: less than 100...harvey the harddrive is my musical archive
-- Number of piercings: i've had two, currently none (it's against FDA regulations i hear)
-- Number of tattoos: none at the moment
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: hmm...ticket notices, band notices, death notices...whatever
-- Number of cars you own: i technically can't own it until i'm 19. berrettafest, here i come!
7:30 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
the gamma of my monitor is all screwy; it keeps reseting itself to this stupid default every restart. pop ups are still haunting me. oh! thanks to jason, i'm now semi addicted to the java game insaniquarium. it's great, you feed fishies and fight off the occasional alien. and the fish poo out money and diamonds! wow. if only they really could. i'm starving but i don't have an appetite. i think my libido has dipped into the negative numbers, thanks to zoloft. it's better this way because now i don't infatuate. hurrah!
i miss the hugs, though. i want a hug.
2:53 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, April 22, 2004
i love cousins subs
does anyone listen to music i post? i wouldn't suppose so, but it entertains me. i got timmy on this biotch, so let's befriend and mock him.
4:20 AM - 2 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Monday, April 19, 2004
ok, is it just me, or is myspace breeding popups? I ran spybot and it found a lot of crap so fine, i delete it....and IE is still fucking up. only this site, though. too bad i'm hopeless addicted and have now embraced my internet whoring. my sister wanted to take pictures so she made me be her subject so i've got a lot but most suck and i laugh....but not really.
8:35 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, April 18, 2004
I've become temporarially obsessed with the Elbow song "Any Day Now". Woke up to get cloves. I estimate I have 6-9 hours of Music Theory homework to complete. So, I'm going to take a nap.
3:06 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
i've been smoking too much. ii is feeling the same as me. we're zombies and i don't like it.
2:17 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
paint a vulgar picture
got stranded at andrea's dorm in milwaukee tonight because my wiper blade doesn't work and it was drizzling--pouring...whatever....so we just sat around and watched one of adrian's movies...american pie 2....i didn't really watch it but i listened to the dialouge....was anything in that not sex related? well, i didn't catch it. i have to be at work in a few hours and if i wasn't an avid insomniac, i'd probably be napping. that whole sleep thing isn't for me anymore, i suppose; between those jobs and the classes i skip, i never get more than a few hours. oh, but i'm not complaining (yes i am!) but why stop? my sister ate the sub i told her not to eat. my soda peed all over me. i've got crumbs in my belly button from this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. maybe i'll grow a peanut butter and jelly tree. that would save money. i'm out of mustard. maybe i can borrow john's?
6:25 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
bah! i finally found out that the moz tour/album rumors are true....and so i'm getting super excited about seeing him and---of COURSE he's skipping the midwest. if i wasn't already saving up to see my internet boy, however, i would totally go out to NY...but i can't so i won't. i skipped class again. i think i'm doing it more because i'm ashamed and guilty than because i just dont wanna be there. oh crap, my cat just dissapeared behind the curtain and she's stuck on the screen. oh i'm horrible. i'm getting ANOTHER cousins sub. hopless addict. goddamnit kitty! i'm not getting you down again.
6:55 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
fido, your leash is too long
i've noticed there are more fake free things than real free things. i haven't showered in a long time.....
i haven't done my homework that was due 5 days ago. i haven't been in class for a week. my teacher is probably so pissed off at me since there are only 5 of us to begin with, plus my attendance and assignments haven't been stellar. this is getting me down. i'm out of socks. sigh. i finally got to talk to kelly who i guess dating jason. that's nuts. so i'm trying to find new music to link, but all of it is fake free. if only the bandwidth fairy would grand me a domain again, i'd be set, but--my income isn't that disposable (oh yes it is!)
2:51 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, April 15, 2004
b l a h
i'm exhausted. very exhausted. too exhausted to care about anything (like how exhausted i am). stupid body. if i wasn't so exhausted, i'd slap myself. john doesn't like mustard. what a weirdo.
2:24 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, April 14, 2004
so i'm sitting here typing with my sub sammich next to me. i'm hungry. i think "hey, why am i not eating that sammich? ... ... ... ...oh right, it needs mustard!" of course the mustard has to be waaaay over in the fridge but i've already forgotten the whole thing. for five minutes. that happened six or so times before i gave up and ate it anyways. i'm a failure...and now i'm thirsty, too.
um, but yeah, my wireless connection has been (and plans to be) extra shitty all week so don't expect to see me online. got that, imaginary friends?
12:35 AM - 1 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, April 07, 2004
time is running out
ah, muse. ok, irrelevant. still feeling pretty lethargic and such but it's bearable. i've decided i'm going to make another animation and this time i'm going to make sure it doesn't suck. nothing fancy of course, just powerpoint and photoshop and premiere like last time. hey, since this isn't for a song, i'll be able to do voice overs as well. i'm really going to try super hard to finish it, but i never will. all the projects i've never finished...i don't want to think about it. my garden....i should plant some more flowers for it...ah well, i'll do all of that [never].
2:18 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
[I'll] kick [you] in the eye!
[i'm bitter and content if it means anything.]
this world makes me frown. and snarl. what am i thinking? 2 jobs and school? look, i was born a slacker and i intend to slack for many years to come. this is just too much. but woo, it's gonna be nice losing weight again. it's so easy when you see every meal twice. (unintentional, mind you.) i'd love to smite someone right now. feeling pretty cocky...
speaking of canada boy, he said i should call him. or he call me....i loathe phone conversations...especially with someone you've never met and feel yourself attracted too. so goddamn awkward. my voice also sounds childish when i feel intimidated. curse that word; it's only worked against me. so i know why i'm pissed off. i forgot my happy pills.
happiness is...seeing someone on the ground and knowing you put them there--hug me or i'll kick you > :(
1:27 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
i realized my mom got my medication that i've been without for almost a month. i took them this morning without really anything to eat and i thought i'd be ok. ah, i laugh. the body shock is pretty harsh and i've been heaving and sweating and all out of it all day. suuuper nauseous too. and hungry. and fatigued. woo, what a ride. i'm getting so obsessed with muse again now that their new cd is out and i heard them on the radio. yet, i hope-very much so-that we are not about to encounter a giant wave of brit pop in the states. because with the good always comes the bad, and eventually all things good from it will be written off to the "bad musical trends" archive. oh, it's not true, sir! brit pop is good, sir! well, the good stuff is good (but even the bad stuff is better than most.) annnyways, back to music. pff, like i would diverge!
i received my joy division poster in the mail and it's rad. little story! i remember listening to wmse and getting so infatuated with this song i was listening to; i was already at my destination but i parked so i could finish listening. of course, they didnt' say the name and i was already late, so i left but thought "golly, i love that song". the words faded from memory and eventually the rest did too but after i saw 24 hour party people (which i picked up in the first place because i knew the happy mondays song) i was entranced and bam! transmission! that was the song!
the end. i'm so pukolicious i can't even talk. ciao.
4:42 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, April 04, 2004
Synonyms: work, labor, toil, drudgery, travail
i finally listened to the cd john mixed for me. pretty cool. i feel bad now for only getting a ladybug in a plastic bag for him. oh, it's still in my car. alas.
my mouth tastes like i drank mineral spirits and vomit. I'm going to get ready for work....but, first i'm going to hunt down daylight savings and beat the crap out of it until i get my hour back.
every day, i hate work until i'm there and then i decide it's not so bad. unless i'm on the presses. i mean, those dough balls are the worst. try standing in the same spot for an hour. [it's hard doing it for 10 minutes.] now try 12 hours. my knee cartilidge likes to move around in its socket on the presses. anyways, i write a letter to timmy every break to make me feel better, although i never send them. every time i write one, i contemplate walking out; getting a plane ticket....seeing canada boy. but, he's not worth it yet.
my nerdcore friends ran some benchmarking programs on my computer and it did stunningly poor (considering the specs)...well, everything is running stock now, but this just proves further my theory that i have some worm eating away the brain of my baby. norton doesn't work and i work too much to care. so whatever.
hm, the sobriquet song is pretty hot. i think i'm going to have to put it into the next mix i make.
_-_-_at tombstone, i sing any of three songs to myself: toadies- possum kingdom; she'll be comin' round the mountain; the kookaburra song. i don't know why. _-_-_
1:36 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
meeting john and his ego
i don't know why, but for some reason i thought he'd look kind of stupid stoner hippieish. it was really nice that he made me a cd and i really do appreciate it although i suppose he took offense to the lack of interest i appeared to show. i was afraid i might run into some people i knew from high school, and my intuition didn't let me down. amber and rachel (?) were both there at the same time; the two most obnoxious people on earth just happen to be good friends. of course. i loathe that rachel girl because she talks so loudly and about nothing and calls people 'hun'. nothing really ticks me off like someone calling me 'hun'. it's condescending and you know what? next time i should just tell them off. but i'm no good at those things. anyways, armani mike and one of his super nerdy friends showed up. i hadn't seen mike in ages; he used to be good friends with jeff. i heard a little about jeff. i guess i'll never fess up to the fact that i fell in love with a boy who doesn't exist. i mean, he's not like how i think he is. you know?
Annnyways, i think john must really think lowly of me, but i'm no good at meeting people so i was expecting it. he also must think my friends are super obnoxious or nerdy, but they aren't. they are all losers and slackers though. ah yes. i'm tired and cold. i went over to armani mike's and we watched tv while his friend got drunk. the drunk friend then proceeded to go have a pellet gun fight with some little jerks that were at mike's house. one's related to him, i assume. anyways, mike fell asleep so i went home. less than a spectacular night, but it's better than i've had.
1:52 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Thursday, April 01, 2004
i just looked down at my carpet. either a cat had an accident or i got mustard on the floor. cats are so great; i don't need people! i wonder if cokehead jeff ever died. i still miss him. i wish i had never deleted his number. i blame zach for that. ah, prettyboy jeff, what ever happened to you? if i'm the lucky gal that finds him dead on a streetcorner, i'm going to take his body home and freeze it for endless happy holidays. oh who am i kidding? jeff is dead to me. but if he was dead, let's say, just died, epoxy would be a better choice for preservation.
9:00 AM - 1 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Sunday, March 28, 2004
I've decided I enjoy blogs
well, i enjoy writing them. but i think canada boy must dislike me now or else he's gone because i haven't heard from him since....uh....wednesday? I can't remember; i dont remember days. well i rely to heavily on his email responses for my emotional stability and in the event that i get no response for days--which is often the case--i feel crushed, like he'd prefer if i would go away. i've got a teensy weensy issue with infatuation here, and it's almost full blown for an internet guy--again! we all know what happened the first time. well, zach and i do at least. I'm clingy to the nth degree. plus we're really just buddy material.
but oog, the classic problem persists. i want to quit my job but i cant' because i wont be able to find one that pays better and is flexible with sheduling. it seemed like a really cool job at first--until i discovered they're attendance nazis. if you are one minute late 5 times in three months, it's ok. if you're late one more time after that, you lose you job. it's because we're temps. if you leave early because you feel super sick, it counts as a late. i felt super sick and left early (making sure first that they didn't need/could replace me). so i got a late for that. if you miss work for ANY reason-with exception to funerals and your own hospitalization-it counts as 2 lates aka 1 full demerit. their justification for attendance strictness is that you choose your own hours and that's fine--it makes sense. but it's not for me. i'm no good at it. i used to go to sleep at 4 am. now i have to be up at 4 so i can leave at 5. ok, i dont actually work 6-6. i work 5:30-6 because they have a 15 minute meeting before you go to work.
and what happens if you're loyal to this employment agency for years? not much. there are temps that have worked there longer than some of the kraft workers themselves. and full time. i work full time, but i get paid less and dont get any benefits(like being able to buy pizzas at a discount). it also grinds down on you because you do the same work as everyone else, but you remain a nameless, worthless temp who doesn't belong with the "real workers". they also have the option of being late 13 times without incident. and they don't have hawks watching you down to the second.
same work; same amount of hours; less pay; no recognition. sounds like every job i'm ever going to ever have. woo.
2:36 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
I was out with kevin and andrea until moderately late. we saw eternal sunshine of the beatufiul mind last night; holy crap i loved it. i think its' my favorite film from the director so far. wow.
ok, so i was out with andrea and kevin until--yes--moderately late. she insisted on going to kohls so i thought "whatever" but it was cool because there were clothes there for 80% off or more from an already 70% off price. it's was nutty. new shirts for like $2. You can't even get them at goodwill that cheap.
Ok.....so i was out with andrea and kevin....yeah. I really liked it. kevin made dinner and andrea made strawberry daquiris. it was great. we watched spongebob for like 4 hours. usually, i dont care for spongebob, but the daquiris made it all that much funnier.
i should have left earlier but i knew i couldnt' so i just stayed there and watched tv. the problem is i work 12 hours this morning (6 am-6pm) and then i work from 11pm-3 am And then on monday I work from 6 am-10 am and then i have class from 11-2. it was my fault for fucking up my schedule but i'm gong to work it to be polite and it's going to kill me or drive me insane and make me quit. we'll see. if not, i'll get a shitload of money. woo.
but goodness, that movie was lovely. i intend to tell canada boy how great it is, then proceed to drive up there and kidnap him. then i shall....make him fight me at mortal kombat III on snes and drink slurpees and eat pop tarts and have trampoline parties and camp out in a fort made of sheets. it shall be grand....hm, i think i'm too tired to work.
2:14 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Saturday, March 27, 2004
that's right, folks....i'm doing the hair thing again. of course, i realize now that i don't have enough bleach....well it'll have to do. i'm not sure yet what color to use but if i dont like it, i can always go back to black...black hair dye is a cushion; a safety; a first aid kit to bad dye jobs...you can also get a box free with walgreen's rebate coupon book. anyways, i'm sure i'll post a picture once i finish the entire process....i hope i dont pick the wrong color.
12:27 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Wednesday, March 24, 2004
I don't get this rating thing
I wanted to see what Jason was talking about with getting a picture "rating" so I added one to this mysterious rating machine. It gave me a 4. Is that because no one has voted? I'd swear it'd be a...well no, I was guessing 4. Mediocre standards win again! I made a Brit Pop mix for my buddy Timmy but I haven't mailed it yet and he isn't on myspace, so maybe I could post the tracks (for my own amusement). Of course, maybe I should replace the kitty litter...but I won't. (also for my own amusement.) I love the creative ways my kitties find to ruin my sister's bedroom. Gosh I love 'em! Time to sleep, lots of shit to deal with tommorrow. Oh my oh my, no pun intended!
12:31 AM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove
Pills Pills Pills
I can't stop rambling. I've been rambling to this poor guy for over an hour. As soon as he has something to comment, I'm two subjects ahead of him. I took my pills that I've been avoiding for a week. If I had any more to eat today, I'd be puking right now, but I'm good ( I think). I still work at balax 9pm-2 am for the rest of the week minus friday. I figure that I can stay sane as long as I dont work 12 hours saturday at the pizza factory. I'll just keep telling them that "something's come up" and only work noon - 6. And....maybe if i make them cupcakes, they'll stop hating me for losing my id card (again). it's awful. but at least I can save money....with the occasional splurge to keep me sane. $100 can go awfully fast at target if you're not careful.
4:31 PM - 0 Comments - Add Comment - Edit - Remove