| Current mood: |  stressed |
...These Tears Fill My Eye's as i Search For The Right Keys...
Im tired of putting on this "happy" face of pretending that my life isn't shit.. but underneath that stupid wishfulness of a perfect house and a perfect family is shit.. i try and cover it up by writting about my weekend birthday trips w/ my mom and dad and kory... or w/ the "hang out" time between my mom and me.. which i kno will never acully happen...sometimes...All the time i wish i had someone to leave to.. a friend a b/f any one.. someone i can call up at any time and be like i need to get away i need to see you and be in the comfort of you and have them say i'm on my way...it sounds so stupid and i sound like another kid who try's and act's depressed but if i could i would put the shit in here.. but i just dont feel right... christ.. i wish i had the "volvo driving soccor mom" type... but i don't and i never will.. and ppl are prolly sitting here reading this and being like well what the christ shut up and stop bitching i bet your family isnt bad.. but if only you knew what it was like to be me.. im not saying my problems are worse then other ppls but to me my problems are bad.. i mean i look at kory's life and i think to myself all the time... damn she has it made.. she's so pretty, her family is close.. her mom quit her job just to be w/ her and erin... and im like god i wish that could be me... it's so stupid sounding but it's the truth i look around me and see other ppl's lives and i just wish for one minute i could be them... most of these kids who complain have shit to complain about and im like only if you knew... i mean i kinda think about whats going on and im like well maybe it's me that made this bigger.. but i dunno to me it's big.. i had a pretty good friday night 'till once again i got home. im gonna go.. i dunno if i'll update. cause i dunno what's gonna happen.. hopefully this'll all pass over...
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