|Current mood:|| exhausted|
|Current music:||Punk Rock 101 * Bowling for Soup|
-plays with tools-
Hmmm, kay so my last entry made everyone depressed, including me :-\ Hmmm, let's try to make this one less depressing...
I went and saw my aunt tonight and she looks like death. :-( After seeing her like that, I'm almost in a fucked up kind of way glad that she's going. Only because I know it's like, not nessicerily POINTLESS for her to be alive, that would sound wrong... no it's like, I know her time is up, and she's just kind of existing right now, so it's better that she doesn't suffer. :\ It really does make me sad though... she's just one of those woman that you dread having to visit with, but then after you sit down and talk they're really not that bad... :'( Kay I'ma cry now, but screw it. I'm not open about death anymore, and it's hard... back in the day when sucide attempts were one of my favorite pastimes, it was different... now it's like the scariest thing for me. Maybe just cause I've been too close to it? I don't know, I know it's normal to hate on death, obviously... just, yikes. I don't want to think about her not being around... even though she was always bitching and nagging and stuff, lol, those are the stupid little things I'll miss about her. And the fact that she's one of the only people that ever has and will believe in me... it means a lot to me to know that someone does. :-\ I just want to her to know that it's okay to let go... :'(
Sorry, I needed to get some of that out... just yeah, it's weird... I don't know I'm getting a migrain from the computer, this never happens... :\ Right now I'm in this lovely little chat with Corey and Shay... #$%#!*&(&(#$!@!@# Let me point out that I love them both a lot... there's so many good things I could say about both of them, but I won't because then everyone will want to be their friends and I don't want to share
even though sharing is caring, fuck that. And just yeah, let me comment on something, recently people have been asking me stupid questions such as, "How can you be so close to people that live so far away" -refering to basically everyone reading this lmfao- Well, here's how... for example, if I didn't have Corey or Shay, or Chasity, Jess, Shelby-- any of you-- I would have been put in the looney bin by now, you're all my sanity, the end.
I'm so proud of the fact that I called Shelby tonight. Hahaha, I was so incredibly amused by our conversation, seriously. I love on Shelby because we have so much in common... including our manly-ness lmfao -plays with tools, drinks beer, burps, talks about boobs- lmfao. I love Shelby <3333 Speaking of phones, lmfao my new favorite person is Chasity. Seriously her and I just-- holy shit we started talking and now she's one of the coolest people I know man :-( Chasity don't go to South Dakota!!!!!! You'll get eaten by a moutain goat and I'll cry :-( -loves on Chasity too-
I miss Jess though- wtf? Jess, hi, please like randomly call me sometime cause I miss you %^@%^@$^%$@%^^^*^(^!@#!@ Kay.
OH WAIT WAIT-- my grandma fucking owns me, she's considering taking Mandy and I to the Nick Carter, PLAY, LMNT, Rose Falcon, Stevie Brock, Greg Raposo-- and get this-- JESSE MCCARTNEY eep eep eep concert in Atlantic City :-D pray for me because I need to go that fucking concert, so she needs to say yes, lmfao.
Kay I'm tired and sleep sounds yummy, lmfao. I love you