| Current mood: | Confuzzled |
| Current music: | Kane's entrance music |
WARNING: Another Bitchy Entry
This just isn't cool. Why does it feel like I'm caught between a rock and a hard place? If you know please tell me- I need to know some answers. I think it's just the whole aspect of high school...Social cliques, mean people, insecurity, and growing up...Dealing with all these things at once is just overwhelming. Oh- and THEN there's the college deal that I have to worry about. I know I'm going to go to college. I want to start off at the community college and transfer. But my brother tried that, my sister tried that, even my dad tried that. The whole work thing got in the way. So I think that I don't want to work until after I graduate. My sister (I hate using her as an example, but this is how I learned) was going to GMU- which, by the way, is not a bad school. But then she got a job and school was put on the back burner. I want to be in music education because I love showing people how to leaarn to love such a beautiful art, but how can I do that if I don't go to college? So even if Dad wants me to get a job, it will have to wait until the summer. I won't do it. I don't want to screw over my life- Lord knows I've done that enough. I have an advantage to being the youngest. I see what worked and what didn't work for my older siblings and make my decisions from there. Mer, I love you and all, and I'm sorry if I might've hurt you for writing about you in this entry.
But back to what I was saying before...High school is just the pits. I have two groups of friends and they're on the totally opposite sides of the social spectrum from one another. I have friends like Kati and Paul that are into the whole heavy metal deal. They're like bangers (except Paul wears cowboy boots and bootleg jeans with Kiss shirts and a redneck baseball cap to top it off) only not really gothic to the point to where they only wear black and they wear the black lipstick. On the other side of the stream, there's the friends that I have like Sara and Beth- preppy dressers, but not preppy attitudes. They can act way immature (which, I'll admit, is something everyone should do every so often) but they know how to have a good time. However, they all have the self esteem of zero and it's bothersome. On the other hand, people like Paul and Kati are smokers, drug addicts (although most of them are honestly quitting), nymphomaniacs and stuff. I don't ever do any of the things that I listed just now. So why do I hang out with them? Because if they do smoke, they're nice enough to not do it around me, if they smoke up, they're nice enough to not do it around me (they don't hang around me when they're stoned, either), and the nympho part...Well, Heaven forbid that ever happen while I'm there...Otherwise I've got some pretty sick friends. Ha ha ha ha.
I guess I'll figure this out in due time. I don't think that anyone's advice or their experiences will honestly help me out in this department. I have got to figure this out...Beth is starting to get really jealous and I don't understand why...Perplexing mystery to solve...Hmmmmm....
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