|Current mood:|| depressed|
I'm jealous. I'm so fucking jealous.
Love is hard to come by...touch, comfort...peace. Perfection. None of which I'm allowed to have, apparently. But I have had it, but as you know my source of such feelings signs off every night and then I'm fine, but still...
I IMed her...questioning why she hadn't IMed me. I asked her to call me. I heard his voice in the background...the voice of her Casey. Her love; her lover. So, I withdrew. I gave them the time to do what they want. Then I ask her a typically stupid question...and find out the delay in her response was post sexual activities cuddling. And then she leaves.
And I'm so fucking jealous. Not because she's my ex, that's the least significant thing in the world...but, because she has him, and so near to her, and she doesn't have to spend 300 dollars just for a week, because she can call him and touch him and go out with him and play games with him and he can see on a daily basis how beautiful she is and because they can live together and are planning to and because there's not a million fucking miles between her residence and the other side of the country where he lives. Because I don't have half the chance to stop responding to IMs because I'm with him.
Because sometimes when she doesn't get to be with him for a few days she says she's lonely and she misses him.
Because I'm lonely...all the fucking time. I'm jealous. I'm not impatient, it's not as if I can't and won't wait forever until we can be closer...but, I just wish I had half the chance she does to neglect the rest of the world for her person who means more than anything else.