|Current mood:|| discontent|
I Just Want tomorrow to come
bah. i feel liek crap. actually im not sure how i feel or how i should feel. i spent my entire sitting in my ass playing "roller coaster tycoon" or taking care of my brothers. today was such a waste except for my phone conversations. i was on the phone for a while w/ mon. she and i were talking about her problem w/ luis. i feel bad for him because there's not much he can do in the situation except get some balls. and i felt bad that i said shit to her about doug. it's not my place to say anything, it's not. i guess i just dont want her to do anything stupid and to through somethign good away. sounds like my situation a bit.
yesterday A picked me up and we watched TV at his house. it was really nice just being w/ him. he looked really cute. we had a nice time. on the way home we, for some reason unknown, started talking about how difficult it would be to be w/ other people once we broke up. we had never talked about anything like that, it was really strange. i got kind of uneasy but when we pulled up to my house i still didnt get out of the car. we kept talking and i told him that even when he goes to college that if we took a break or anything, that i would always want to continue our relationship because i think it's too good to ever through away. i also told him i thought i would never be able to love someone as much as i love him. it felt great telling him, but i was really scared that he wouldnt agree w/ me. i looked up through my blurry eyes, i almost started crying, and i saw that he was pretty teary as well. he said that e completely agreed w/ me and that he would always love me no matter what happened. it was really reassuring hearing him say that. it's something that i had in the back my mind for a while.
back to today.....
after i spoke to monica i sat on my ass somemore until daria called me. i was so excited to hear her. i really really miss her. she says that she's having a great time and that everythign is beautiful and amazing. i couldnt help but feel a twinge of jealousy. not bad jealousy, im really happy that she's having a great time, she deserves it! i just sometimes wish i could get out of jersey and away from everyhting. eh- next year i'll go and do somehtin gproductive. she said she met some dude and was goign out w/ him later, but that she also meet some punk that wanted to squat at ehr house. he also wanted to touch her hair, and she thought, "why not? it's already dirty." haha. that's my favorite quote of the day.
after that A called me because he was out of work but i had to go and cook for Matthew because my mom was sick. i didnt really mind except that my dad bitched at me because i wanted to knwo if my mom wanted to eat. arg. by the time i finished i didnt have much time to talk to A because he had to go to the movies for some farewell thingy for one of the counselors at dwight. i sounded really dissappointed and he could tell, because i did. i really dont mind when he goes out or w/e but im bitter that he's always out. he tries to make time for me, ireally appreciate it. i just dont want to lose him. it's really hard knowing that he's goign away soon. it hurts a lot. i know im barely goign to be able to see him. im really scared so im trying to see him as much as possible. like im really glad that he's goign out and enjoying the summer. i guess im also kinda pissed that im not. it sucks staying in the house all day. it's not liek i want to stay in the house and not be active.,i looked for things to do. if ti were up to me i'd be dancing atleast 3 hours a day or rowing from 7-11 or soemthing. god, i sound really bitter.
eh...:ring: yay,it's him. turns out plans changed and he's back at home because the movies are off.
anyway, if it wasn't for mon i think i'd lose my mind. she and i have gotten much closer this past month, well we talk a lot more now. i'm goign to the beach w/ her and her family tomorrow. im really excited. we get to spend "quality time" and i get a tan. shoudl be a lot of fun. we'll prob go to boulevard east to try and watch the fireworks after. A is goign to upstate w/ his friends so i wont hear fomr him. but it should be good, i just need to relax tomorrow and do get some girl time in. i'm gonna finish watchign the simpsons. maybe i'll update later.
until tomorrow, i can pass the time away w/ Thursday night TV