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Typical Teen (pathetic_life) wrote,
@ 2004-03-26 21:57:00
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    Current mood: numb

    im very lonely right now... im feeling it.. and the worse thing is, is that i saw felicia and eric today things i was not expecting as of before 13th period..
    i just dont know... i mean my day was ok... i think whats bothering me is that fester is suppose to have a g/f but he just doesnt seem it... everytime i see him its like this...
    we exchange our hellos but then i go to give him a friendly hug... and he always puts his hands and arms too low for to be just a friend hug... and then he brushes his face on mine and it makes me uncomfortable... and today he whispered into my ear i want your loving... and im just like... no you cant, its too expensive... i just needed to get away... im so confused.. he suppose to have a g/f... and gah...
    and then theirs things with the other guy i like right now... and its like a fine line.. after yesterday its a fine line of him being a good friend.. and something else... i dont know..
    i dont know im just lost in my own mind that is already fucked up enough... i just want... security... it feels like some people are taking advantage of me right now... and its not feeling good... and the worse thing about that is that these people taking advantage of me are GOOD friends of mine..
    i dont know im just like wow..
    im confused about other people and their relationships with me... and why they are really where they are... i dont know i just dont want to trust anyone right now because its been a while since my heart has been crushed by the cruelity of society and i just feel it..

    and besides people... well other people that is... i think there might be something wrong with me... ive been getting shooting chest pains that kind of feel like pins stabbing my lungs... and im worried but at the sametime i dont worry about it... i think this is what happens when you just dont care..
    i really dont know what else is safe to say i dont want to disappoint readers... i dont know i just wish for some reason that someone anyone at this point stranger, family member, friend... would just write about me.. just make me realize either how much i am hurting them, myself, or how i am helping, or not, i dont know i feel like i need that assurnace which i will admit is bad... i know it is... someone has to tell me what a great person i am, make me believe it, and then i think differently...
    i dont know im just in the "i hate myself" mood... and im in deep...
    the light is getting smaller and smaller and my oxygen is getting thinner and thinner... and i just gasp for a breath and i dont know i just want HELP!

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