|Current mood:|| crushed|
|Current music:||digital underground-humpty dance|
70% by volume
so i havent been on here in forever and i wonder why i ever quit..its very soothing posting all your problems for the world and your friends to see. here i am again! read what i have to say! i am now important!
im sure that this time around there will lots of bitching about pointless shit. wait, i feel it coming..here it is!
so recently(in the past few months) i have found how pointless it is to tell someone something 'personal' about yourself or someone else..because it ALWAYS comes back to you. its hard to find 'trust' anymore, even in the people you'd never question. this simple fact makes me bitter..as the years pass im more 'shut-in' and quite because of this. ive seem many friendships and relationships fucked up because someone couldnt keep their mouth shut about something. this something could be small to you but it could effect some other person for the rest of their life. please from now on, dont tell 'secrets' around me or about me...im not saying any name im saying everyone who reads this!!! ya enough about that
so nate and i got our marriage license today, weee! i dont know when we'll get married or if we ever will! first, some things must change...as ive said before. as i projected, everything has stayed the same...and it makes me sad. and he has no excuse. look how sad i am :( he better get his shit fixed or i wont marry him! (awww, shes sooo mean!) hey, ive told him for 3 years to clean and shit...im done. im not a mother and i dont expect to be one for sometime. if he doesnt want to or he doesnt try..its not my fult now is it. obviously, to him im not worth picking up after himself. i know, he'll try for about an hour, but his trying isnt enough. i told him for two weeks to call the trash people...he just did it yesterday..again..look how sad i am :(
i know im mean..but its not very hard. i fucking went to school full time, worked 35 hours a week and still cleaned the motherfucking house..not only after myself but after nate too! man, wont nate be pissed if he has a $850 house payment all to himself! this is the only other way i can think of..i guess its blackmail but its more of a choice for him.
again, im not saying this to be mean and anyone who knows me, knows im not fucking around...ive fucked around too goddamn long and im done. nate knows this. sad sad sad... :(
i hoped that me posting the last bitch fest journal entry(plus me telling him to his face) would make him see. again, i was wrong.
im very upset now and my tummy hurts... :(