|Current mood:|| apathetic|
|Current music:||moby - porcelain|
so here it goes.
i dont know what to say. today i decided to let go, to finally make peace with everything that has happened. i'm not perfect but at least i'm not stupid. good god.
and it would be okay if it wasnt what it is, but it is, and thats the decision you are going to have to look at everytime you think about it. i think its just grand.
you know, tomorrow i'm going to go meet with my english group. i'm really wondering if i should do what i want to do. i'm so incredibly lonely, but i'm such a crazy heartless person that i won't accept anything other than what i want. haley and i were talking about my standards, and i'm sorry that my standards fit about 5 people, but thats just the way it is. get over it. unless you are smarter than me, no.
while i was with my family in alabama, i really did some thinking. i was looking at all the decisions they had made...the cousin that had two children before marriage, the one with two crazy kids and who'd just split up with her husband, the cousin who's fiance dumped him, the overweight cousin dating the fattie that lost her hope scholarship, the cousin who is probably gay and won't admit it, the cousin who is trying to pick up the pieces, the cousins that are trying to make their wrongs right. i dont want to be like any of them.
i dont want to be like you.