|Current mood:|| determined|
|Current music:||Tyler's Kick Ass Mix Vol. 1 (Thanx boots for a great CD)|
I say never be complete.I say stop being perfect.I say lets evolve.Let the chips fall where they may
I just want to be doing better with everything in my life. I have no clue what's going on right now and it is kinda freaking me out. V Tech is a school where u always have something that u could be doing(in terms of work). and it is a school where there are tons of things that can prevent u from doing work. it's not home.
this is my first entry with feeling in a while. i have noticed that alot of people have stopped writing here for what ever reason but i think i will continue because it is a good escape. so here i go.
You want to know what I hate, what really irks me? when people judge. I hate people how are so ready to say that they are better then someone for what ever reason. How can you look at one or two aspects of a person and just say that u are better then them? and treat them differnt for some of the choices that they have made. everyone deserves the same level of respect, and if u think u are better then them, just stop talking to them cause why do u need to?
Sometimes i just get pissed off. i mean really and truely pissed, like break something angry. and those of u who know me, yeah i talk shit sometimes but i really never get angry to that point. i am not really an agry person in gernal. something that gets me that way is when u have planned for something for so long and just had this picture all drawn out in your mind, and then someone throws a wrench right in there, almost as if just to say ha.
so i hate myself. i hate what i have been doing, 1) I have not been doing as good as i had hoped in my classes, 2) i have stayed the same weight as when i left, 3) my mind set was "i could be doing better but i have found my comfort zone and i am in it, i do enough to get me by and enough to not cause me much stress and it works" well this is no longer my mindset. If i can do something, why not fucking do it to the best of my ability? (this goes back to my last entry where i realized never do anything half assed. I just have to fucking get on track. I have to do what ever is in my power to do good. and i have to learn to stop planing so far ahead cause alot of things are able to and probably will change. I need to live life a day at a time and just fucking work my ass off.
I am tired of being this person. I need to evolve. and that is what i am going to do. Let's here it for a new Nick O. One who knows how it rolls, and is going to do what he can when he can to improve the quality of life not only for himself, but for others around him. (a goal thats with in my reach if i only try)
"I've met God across his long walnut desk with his diplomas hanging on the wall behind him, and God asks me, "Why?" Why did I cause so much pain? Didn't I realize that each of us is a sacred, unique snowflake of special unique specialness? Can't I see how we're all manifestations of love? I look at God behind his desk, taking notes on a pad, but God's got this all wrong. We are not special. We are not crap or trash, either. We just are. We just are, and what happens just happens. And God says, "No, that's not right." Yeah. Well. Whatever. You can't teach God anything" Fight club