| Current mood: |  confused |
Live like you were dying...
We'll start with the good update:
Vacation was absolutely amazing. I'd do anything to be back there right now. I miss it so incredibly much. I met some awesome people, and saw Ky, Dan, and even Chris from last year. The reunion "per say" with our summer brothers wasn't ideal but they're boys what can you say. Dan was only there for one night so I only saw him briefly and it was nice, he's gotten even more delicious looking. Meeting new people is incredible. We met three really cool lifeguards; Graham, Ollie, and DJ. We hung out w/Graham a lot and occasionally his friend Brett too but I didn't really like Brett. He was obnoxious and annoying and really stupid. Plus he gets drunk and takes his clothes off. We went to two parties, went to dinner a lot, got flooded and went out to play in the streets where the water was up to our mid-shins/knees at points, went to the beach a lot... The beach was really good because we had some really nice days and I got pretty tan (which is now fading because Red Hook sucks and I haven't seen the sunshine since I've returned) and we also saw lots of dolphins! And I almost like drowned haha not really though, a big wave knocked me over and practically took my bathing suit off and ruptured my ear drum. And DJ threw a jellyfish at me, and I almost swam right into another one that was wading right in front of my chest. Julie and I only grew closer over vacation and I couldn't be happier with that. The last night of vacation Julie and I had a night to ourselves (after we came in) and talked A LOT. We talked for hours about everything and cried at points and were very open (not necessarily voluntarily haha). Also on the last night, I discovered another side of me... well not really another side, just I guess me on the inside if that makes sense. I found myself the way I want to be and love to be, the side of me that naturally comes out and is crazy and stupid and carefree. I found this when I was sitting on Sunset Pavilion with Graham and then when I was running back and ran to two old ladies instead of Brett and Julie. So then I thought about this side of me, and how I had that at Poet's Walk that night. And then I realized-that's who I am when I'm around Evan.
Sean called excessively over vacation which was really irritating. It's not that I don't appreciate that he cares or try to understand that. Because I try a lot harder and put him in front of myself he just doesn't see that because he doesn't have a clue. So the day I got home he came over before I even called him and we fought. And that was enough. I couldn't take it. So we kind of decided to break up. We wanted what we used to have back. We were best friends . I miss that so much. The days where we didn't fight and he wasn't overprotective or anything... So we decided that, and I just wanted a break from all the talking about it, etc. and Evan (who I haven't seen in approximately three weeks) was leaving yesterday for Montreal, so I talked on the phone w/Ev for a while because I needed to clear my head, and he listened to me, and made me laugh at points and it was good. And Sean flips out and he just doesn't understand I didn't want to be talking about everything then, because that was the reason for the break-up to begin with. To get a break from everything. So he yells at me and says a lot of mean things, and talks on and on and got nothing accomplished. So yesterday at work he basically ignored me and wouldn't look at me and when he did it was extremely awkward. His cell phone's still broken so I haven't really talked to him, I went out last night with Julie and DM called me and I was just...happy. With nothing on my mind. But then it all comes back because he went out w/Sean the bartender last night so I can only imagine what happened and I don't want him to be like Steve and make stupid decisions because we broke up and he's hurting. It's kind of weird that we "broke up" because at times it doesn't feel like it, it's a weird change and I don't really know what is going on. So, needless to say. .. things aren't normal but I don't want the fighting anymore and that's not just it; I wasn't happy. Hopefully now I will be, and I want my best friend back. What we used to have was perfect, we thought that we'd be right together and maybe back then before everything was so serious, and he stopped being "Poop" we would have been. He shocked me with this "sometimes I feel like we're together or you're with me because we're 'supposed to be' ". Took the words right out of my mouth. I don't want that anymore, I don't want to be with someone because it's like that. Then it goes back to The Notebook...
Jar sent me a postcard: "Nicole and Poop Forever." Good call sweetheart.
*The other note, in a drunken stupor (or however you spell that) I texted DM, I'm glad I did.
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