| Current mood: |  annoyed |
How to fix your internet speed in 71 easy steps
1. Realize that transferring large files is painfully slow.
2. Look at the ISP's web page.
3. The cheapest plan offers 15 MB/s bandwith. Surely, we have the cheapest plan. So my bandwith should be up to 15 MB/s.
4. go to dslreports.com
5. check bandwith
6. It's 4.6 MB/s
7. check it again.
8. Same result.
9. Check it once more for good measure.
10. So... I'm only getting about 1/3 of what I'm paying for?! That bites! That's highway robbery! Let's complain about it!
11. Complain about it.
12. Actually decide to do something about it.
13. Which involves customer service people... so put it off.
14. work on a video
15. Watch the Good Eats 10th anniversary spectacular.
16. eat a pancake.
17. go to sleep.
18. Get reminded about it at work.
19. Go to the ISP website. This is an internet problem, surely I can e-mail them about it or something.
20. Oh look, there is. Sweet.
21. Let's try the troubleshooting options first, though.
22. Look up the ISP preferred speed optimization software
23. for MAC, please. kthnx
24. Download broadband tuner.
25. unzip broadband tuner.
26. Install broadband tuner.
27. Make a joke about synchro-summoning something.
28. Run speed test again.
29. Must be a junk synchron, because the test comes back exactly the same. What a load of JUNK.
30. click to open a repair ticket.
31. fill out online forms.
32. check firewall settings.
33. Go outside to check the fiber optics box on the side of the house for green lights.
34. Realize the forms meant the box on the INside of the house.
35. Go back inside.
36. Oh shit, it's in the garage. Good thing I can see two lights from the doorway, because that's as close as I'm going to be getting to them.
37. Look up what the lights mean.
38. Oh good. it means it's on, and the battery has life.
39. Finish filling out the forms.
40. Type out a detailed description of my problem.
41. Click next.
42. A line test is initiated.
43. Line test fails.
44. Click to send repair ticket.
45. "We're sorry, but the request cannot be processed at this time. Please call a service representative. We apologize for any inconvenience this might have caused you."
46. Why that damn little piece of data. It didn't send it, and it didn't save it! Let's complain about it!!
47. Talk about the weather, oh wait, no. I complained about it.
48. Type everything out again.
49. Sit through another line test.
50. I mean, another failed line test.
51. Click to send repair ticket.
52. "We're sorry, but the request cannot be processed at this time. Please call a service representative. We apologize for any inconvenience this might have caused you."
53. Complain. Complain. Complain. Complain. hey, do you want to go to the zoo with me on Saturday? No, oh... okay. Complain. Complain. Complain.
54. Whine about having to call a customer service rep at 9:30 at night.
55. Call one anyway.
56. And get the automated line.
57. Which wants to try troubleshooting things first.
58. And it's hard to say no to a machine that keeps telling you how astronomically long the wait time will be if it has to connect you to a representative.
59. It's line test fails too, and it has no other choice.
60. The wait time was about 2 seconds.
61. Funny, the automated systems that tell you how short the time will be are usually the ones that have the 3 hour wait times...
62. Give account info.
63. Verify account info.
64. Tell the real human being (who sounds completely American, btw) what the problem is.
65. Learn that the account we have is not a 15 MB/s bandwith account. It's only a 5 MB/s bandwith account.
66. "Oh... so my connection is slow because... my connection is slow."
67. "Yeah. Pretty much..."
68. "Boy, do I feel dumb."
69. Hang up.
70. Let's complain about it!!
71. okay, no. Nevermind. Good Eats is on.
Current Lips: orange, brown and black gradient blend
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