| Current mood: |  contemplative |
| Current music: | Boy Sets Fire // Rise |
i knew i shouldn't have picked up the phone.
i should have just let it ring.
but i thought it would be wonderful to hear her voice. and it was. too wonderful.
gave me that feeling again.
why.
so you can sit there with that stupid smile on your face trying to convince me that you care.
i hope i see you on your way down, i hope you break, every bone. i hope it kills you on your way down, and i hope you die alone.
i can hear them singing that song to me. i can hear it in my head. what the fuck.
"i don't know if i can have you live here without following the rules..."
what do you propose. yes. take everything away. treat me like im 2. that will definitly solve our fucking problems. you want a problem, well i guess we got one now.
they don't understand how i think... no one does. no one fucking gets it. i always knew i was off. but lately i've noticed just how off i am. and i'm okay with being off. but sometimes... its so fucking frustrating trying to explain the shit thats going on in my head... because it's sooooooo fucking whack no one can even begin to grasp what it is i'm trying to articulate. i was trying to tell them that... that i think differently. differently than is normal... way differently. i told them you might see here, and mom might see here, but i see way the fuck over there... and i dont know why i see over there, and i can't stop and see from over here.... but it doesn't bug me... it just gets me so frustrated. i just wish sometimes there was 1 fucking person in the world that could understand me. one fucking person.
not too much to ask.
and i am sure that jesus is a lie. because im here right now. and i'm like this right now. or maybe he isn't a lie. if he isn't a lie... he's the cruelest motherfucker... and i would never worship a desensitized self centered power thirsty piece of shit like him if he were real. but i am leaning more towards the non existant view, because its less angry ;*)
im babbling... take it easy...
love(please)
brandon
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