|Current mood:|| ditzy|
|Current music:||brand new - sudden death in carolina|
hey journal!! waah i missed thee
yo. so anyways. life's good. started school. i have one/two friends for each class and i have a feeling that two boys have teenyweeny crushes on me. not sure though. but that's alright if they don't. i'm taking a computers class and HOLY FUCK are cascading sheets confusing. whatever. i prefer html anyway.
got, let's see, razorlight and brand new's first album and fallout boy and another green day and the new taking back sunday (i heart taking back sunday) and that starting line ep that's acoustic (i canNOT listen to the best of me acoustically.... it's just wrong) and something corporate and thirteen on dvd (hell YES!!). and some other stuff. it was my borthday on tuesday, you see.
haven't seeen barney (my therapist) since before dad visited, which was like a month ago! woohoo! but mom said she was gonna contact him next wekk. hmph. damn her. whatever. maybe it's better. i don't know. i stoppped trying to cut once i started seeing him and then when i got my candyland box i continued and now i can't stop. again. yay. it's not fair is what it is. not fucking fair. okay, now stop whining hannah and talk about something interesting.
radio's much better here. people here are so much cooler than me. i don't have a problem with being uncool usually, it's just that i'm a wannabe here! i'm the normal kid in a school full of weird ones and i can't fucking stand it! i've seriouslyconsidered moving back to ireland to live with dad more than once. we don't even have VEGETABLE OIL here! who the fuck doesn't have vegetable oil, for the love of god!? jeezus. i couldn't even make my borthday cake correctly. it was a mix and i had to use half canola oil and then i ran out of that and i had to use oilve oil. i mean, come on. and then i ran out of that and i had to melt butter in the microwave we don't have. (i did it on the stove.)
I WANT A FUCKING BOYFRIEND. i'm uncool and sad and bring you down and you're only trying to help. shut up. i'm sorry. (can the randomness BE any worse?) i've watched too many episodes of dr. phil to not know what to do with myself right now. whatever. shut up hannah. bla bla bla....
there's this guy in my french class, i swear to god the boy has the most AMAZING shade of hair color. it's this gorgeoud crossbreed of natural red and orange. it's amazing, i can't stop staring at it. and hjis eyebrows are black and he's in a band (who are playing at the miaow-miaow tomorrow night only I CAN'T GO) and he's pretty. i think his name is corey. he's in my 'dialogue group'. mmm. okay, stop being so girly and shut up.
i'm sorry if i don't come back. it's not intentionally. if you need to blame someone, try my mom.
last night, i swallowed liquor and a lighter, and this morning i threw up fire. but it's nothing new, i've been pieceing it together it's got something to do with every look thrown like a dagger across a crowded room and every slow and quiet drive is pent drinking in the backseat and every stupid melody from every stupid song and every stupid word that everybody's hanging on. what difference does this differece in age make? i know how it ends, so kill me quick. call 911. i'm already dead but someone should be caught and held responsible for this bloody mess. call homicide. take the case to court. her lips taste like a loaded gun and i'm her number one chalk outline on the floor.