Self destructive pattern (of_bliss) wrote, @ 2005-04-12 15:37:00

I’m beginning to like you; or perhaps, I already like you. I feel so scared; I feel so anxious right now, as if anytime, even at this very moment, I’m going to lose you—and I don’t want to. I feel that you’re already my friend, and I also feel that you consider me as your friend. I value our newly-found friendship, but although it’s really hard for me, I think we should end it now. But I don’t want to end it now; I still want to spend more time with you to know if you also enjoy marveling at the beauty of the stars, if you also take pleasure in eating Japanese food, if you can play "Ironic" for me on your guitar, if your favorite colors are also black, blue and white—I still want to spend more time with you for me to discover who you really are.

If we continue our communication, I will only continue to discover the wonderful person you truly are; I will only continue to share your happiness as well as your grief, your highs and lows. Because I want to be there for you, because I believe in you and I want to support you. I only know a little about you; I’ve only known you through what you have said about yourself. I’ve also only known you through your poems, but I’ve also known you through the things you have said to me. And I still want to know you more. Because, I guess, I do like you, and I’m ready to accept you no matter what else I might learn about you. However, even though it pains me so much to say this, we really have to end our friendship, because if we do not, my feelings for you will simply just grow deeper.

I have to stop thinking of you all the time, even though—again—I don’t want to. I don’t want to live in my imaginations; I don’t want to live in my illusions.


Why did I come across your writings? Why did fate bring me to you? Why did you have so much impact on me, when in fact, I don’t even know you? Why did I feel this for you? Why, of all the people, you?

I do not know. I do not know.


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