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tales from the text: I write in my mobile phone and save it when i cant get to my diary, so here we go Wed 11:00pm I am just feeling very sick and violated right now. Alone even thought I am in his company. Hugs are the only thing keeping me alive, anything else just feeds my paranoia. What am I to do? Fictional scenes of violent men make me dizzy and nausious. Hot tears echo the fear in my soul. Why do I still let them control me? 6 years on and my still the victim. Timid as a virgin. Harsh words made me feel young again. 9 years old and sat on the stair waiting for his breath on my back. Ami watches that now. "Do I look like I have eyes in the back of my head?!" my mother used to say, I can answer yes in my defence. The nurse hurt me. Made me bleed.I can still feel her callous fingers pressing agianst my girlness. Almost ashamed I want to hide in a corner until its time to go home. Punished for being late. Sorry! I wont do it again. Sombody rescue me take me to the cottage in the woods. back story: Reading this as this it might not make that much sense. I had to go to the doctors to have a smear test for a lump in my vagina, possibly on my cervix. I was late but i had got my mother to call to say i would be late, when i got there the nurse was very abrupt saying i had made her late for an appointment at half 5 (my appointment was at 4.45 i got there for 4.55) and due to me she was finishing work late and missing her appointment. I was in tehre half an hour, excuse me but making my appointment 15 mins before she finished was a little shit really? I was already in a fragile state, just before that in media studies we had watched Thelma and louise. There is a rather graphic rape scene in it, i broke down after class was dismissed. COnfided in my tutor and she is going to be more caredul round me. I remember a time things didnt effect me like this, now im like an open wound and someone keeps mistaking the salve pot for the salt pot. Needless to say having a ford cortina parked up my cunt for half an hour made me feel a little violated. Not only that she left me alone, naked, laid spread on the couch for 10 mins. I was so scared. Wed 11.30pm I can feel my intestines pushing against the wall of my stomach. The way my skin stretches in an outward direction. I only have one pair of jeans with me, what if they dont fit me tommorrow? How will i cope? I wnt to cry, the fat is heavy and pulls me to sleep. Digest through the night what is said, what is heard. Thurs11:00am I hate myself im sich a clutz. Popular girls with their popular curls laugh at me and my heavy nature. Ill do someone an injury some day. I walked into the toilet to find it full to walk backwards and onto the toes of one of the "popular" girls who made me feel small by screaming ow my toes and her mates laughting at me skulking off. I WILL NOT LET THE BULLIES/CHILDREN MAKE ME FAIL! I got my predicted grades today. 9.9 GPA from GCSE which means I am expected to get the top A in my alevels. MEEP! talk about pressure. Anyway im thinking of doing a diary write up of 3000 words for my english assighment. Like my diary but of a 17 yr old girl . Ill let you know xx Post a comment in response: |
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