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zzzzzzzzzzzz
I am so tired LOL But I'm LOVING it. Elethia and I spent the weekend wrapped up in eachother totally We basically spend every day like that. Well, aside from when Im working and the kids are there. Then we're still totally all about eachother and our kids. The kids weren't here this weekend. We got some very much needed ALONE time. AHAHAHA. Let's just say the living room couch, the piano, the indoor pool, the hammock outside, the pool outside, all got reinducted. As well as many other things >:) Oh and the banister upstairs on the deck, in the rain. It was awesome. Anyone who knows me, knows Im a total water fiend. Sex in water in the rain anything including water is perfect with me! As usual we spent the weekend pampering eachother. But then again we do that every day I spend my day thinking of things and ways to bring a smile to her face and make her day a little easier, and she does mine. She finally went to therapy with me and is gonna work on the issues causing the problems. Like I told her I wouldn't be nearly as weighed down if I had help carrying everyone sometimes cause I've got issues myself that need attended to. Things that are just recently comming about that I'm excited for and scared to death all at the same time. Basically end of contract. I havent been free since I was 14. I'm 24 now. On my birthday I'll be 25. Im so ready for freedom that it isnt funny but so afraid of ti that it's almost paralyzing. Afraid...well because I mean, what if I go buck wild and go crazy for a while and completely drop all responsibilities. I can't do that. I have kids and a family. And a wife. Or maybe I'm just fretting for nothing. Who knows. We'll see in a few months. But that aside, Im not as weighed down now that she's adressing her issues and dealing with them and its making her happier and more free, of herself. Which is an awesome thing. It's great to see her smiling laughing and playing and being herself again. OMG Jasmine will be 4 later this month. My baby is growing up NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Well not my baby but ya know, my first born. Shouldn't that be illegal or something? I think it should but thats probably, okay, is definately the daddy in me speaking. And in September? Jonathan will be FOURTEEN. Jesus.Hard to believe I've been raising him since he was 10. He's growing into such a fine young man. And Jaqsien.. He'll be 7 in October! Nooo. *Makes them all stop growing up somehow or something* Part of me is so sad cause well, Jonathan, like myself, is already his own person and stakes out his own life and well, sometimes I wonder if he still needs me. But at the same time I know that I have to let him let him test his wings, and let him fall and pick himself back up it's all a part of growing up. He's very much the master of himself. Strong willed, opinionated, extroverted, and has an incredible drive. And Jax and Jazzie, are just like him! They're all their own little people with very definate minds of their own. And so intelligent. I'm so proud of them all. Jasper and Jyda I just never want to let go of! They're already independent and not the cling-to-momand dad type kids. They wanna do their own thing. Ell says that they're turned just like their Daddy. *Blushes* And I guess I am like that. To hell with having someone clinging on me all the time I wanna go do my own thing! I resent being tied down . I like to just go with myself. If I wanna be tied down I'll tie the ropes myself. Like the ropes to Elethia and my children. Those I want. What can I say I've got a lot floating in my head right now. life is busy but Im happy with busy. It has its peaks and valleys but thats life. Anyway right now my mind is flying too much for me to keep typing cause everythings just gonna be really jumbled and incoherent LOL
~Jay~
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