|Current mood:|| drained|
|Current music:||Yeah Yeah Yeahs-Maps|
Last night i was home alone. No friends or family, just me. I did a little grocery shopping (being at Krogers at 7o'clock is mildly depressing) and some easy cooking - I had a steak dinner, with shrimp, baked potatoe and salad and ate at the dinner table all solo, and just to feel more pitiful i lit the candles at the table just so i could say " i had a candlelit dinner alone." After all that I felt completely exhausted.All i did earlier was put Megan together for Progressive Dinner, and if i do say so myself, she looked smashing! So i decided after a hards day of work of making others beautiful i felt as if a bubble bath was in order. So After a long honey-creme bruele bubble bath adorned with sea spray candles and Dove chocolate covered strawberries ((i made by myself)) i watched Fools Rush In and When Harry Met Sally. I must say that last night was a classic single-but longing for "the one that got away" night. I was in my sweats and wife beater with my hair up and glasses and dog slippers. Not to mention i spent the entire night underneath my down comforter with my book- Wild at Heart, the tissue box and like a million different scented candles that all mixed and meshed together and formed the most amazing scent ever. I could end my night there, but it wouldn't be as fun if i didn't share my realizations!
So after all was said and done i decided to have a heart to heart with God. This took place on my windowseat, which i like to believe is the most spiritual part of the whole house, but maybe only because there is a window there? Anyway, i just wrote and kind of thought out loud. I realized that the plans that God have for me are so much more immaculate than the things that are going on in my life right now, that these things are just little testers. I also realized how soft God has made my heart and I'm so extremely thankful for that. I would also have to say, even though there may not be a unanimous agreement on this, that i feel a lot more calm and serene. I think last night was something that i could totally get hung up on and be like "that's how it's going to be for the rest of my life, alone and sad", but i feel really at peace with the whole situation. I believe that God joined me for dinner last night. As cliche as that might sound, honestly, we worked through some things last night and discovered the strength that i had all along but was replaced by fear. I also discovered that God, just like i should always do is guarding my intimate relationship with Him jealously, and He wanted me to be solely focused on Him.
And things couldn't make better sense...
"There is something else I am after, out here in the wild. I am searching for an even more elusive prey... something that can be found through the help of wilderness.
I am looking for my heart."