|Current mood:|| hopeful|
If there's anything I've learned, it's the life doesn't go the way you think or plan it to. But it doesn't mean it won't go the way you want it to. Last night I talked to Andy till 4am. It was awesome. I so love talking to him. We talked a lot about, of all things, Tyler. I came to realize I need to let go of Tyler cause he's trying to hold me back from being happy for his own selfish reasons. I haven't heard from Tyler since Saturday night. I'm not planning on calling him, but I know sooner or later he's going to call me, and I'm going to have to tell him goodbye for good. He told me he wants me to go out and meet people. But he could have just been saying that. I don't know. Ugh. Why does he have to do this to me? He knows he doesn't really want me. I wish I knew what he really thought of me. But I feel bad for how I made Andy feel, getting him in the middle of all of this. But he insisted he wasn't mad at all. Just "confused", and I didn't want to do that either. But I think by the end of the conversation last night, he was in much better spirits. Like, he was all sad and stuff after all this Tyler crap, and I don't blame him for that, but he said I had such a positive effect on his "energy". And it made me think, am I meant to know him? Cause there was a lot of coincidences in the beginning that led me to think that, then Tyler happened, and he pretty much left me alone during all of that. But I kept reaching out to him, or trying to, without a lot of success until last night. So now I really want to meet him in person. I'm trying so hard not to develop feelings for him before we actually meet, cause I don't want him to end up like caveman, and I want to put some space between Tyler and me first. I told Andy about caveman! And he called himself Wowman. Cause he introduced me to World of Warcraft. But it could be "wow" on a different level. God, he's so unlike anyone I've ever met before. He thinks so much differently. It's so refreshing to have conversations that aren't entirely superficial and that make me think about things. I'm totally in like with this guy. Oh crap. I just had a thought. I don't want him to be the "rebound" guy. Crap. I hope he doesn't think of himself like that. How do you know if it's a rebound or if you really like him? I've never had to worry about that before. Hmm. Ok, I think I'm gonna go now, probably call him in a little while and talk to him for a couple hours. Yay!