|Current mood:|| aggravated|
....of all these friends and lovers....
my mother drives me absolutely insane sometimes.
yet she's still always there for me, always my best friend....thats so unfair, bc then i feel really bad about saying that she drives me insane bc i know deep down she doesn't mean it. but im so sensitive about things sometimes, and i can't explain why some of the things that she does or says make me irritated. i cried twice today partly bc of her....actually i've cried a lot lately. i just get in these phases...like a month, sometimes more, sometimes only a few days...where every little fucking thing makes me cry....and then my mom gets mad. i think she thinks im trying to make her feel bad by crying. but im not...i swear im not...i just can't help it. ughhhh....
i missed our dinner tonight bc she couldn't go...she's had plans made for tonight for quite some time now, which i totally respect. but then she didn't understand why i would want go with out her. i think she was offended. well im sorry that this is the last night im probably going to be able to spend with my friends before we all leave each other for another 3 months. im sorry they didn't tell me about the plans weeks in advance so it would fit in with your schedule, but that happens to everyone... anyway, eventually she started telling me to go, but i couldn't, knowing that i would upset her by going. its a freaking mother-daughter dinner, i would be pissed if my daughter went without me too. either way i was losing...make my mom feel bad (and myself feel guilty) and go, or make me feel bad and not go...so i went with the latter. i hope that maybe i'll get to see everyone again, but this weekend is so busy that it doesn't seem likely. which sucks. i love that i have so many great people in my life...but im sick of having to chose between all of them...between home and school, home and friends, friends and school, even groups of friends at home and groups of friends at school....they are all so important to me.