| Current mood: |  confused |
if life were perfect
i wish someone would just point me in the right direction and yell, "GO."
life would be a whole lot simpler. scary still, yes, but at least then, i wouldn't feel like i was making mistakes.
my cousin, who is two weeks younger than me, graduated from the University of Puget Sound today with a BS in Biology. next year, she is off to colorado to study immunology.
watching her graduate was . . . weird . . .
if i had done the whole college thing after high school, that could be me. i even looked into attending UPS. why didn't i? why didn't i?
i don't regret the decision. . . i'm just wondering. i was smart. took honors classes and graduated with honors. could have gotten near full rides to any of the state colleges. what was it that told me, "no. . . don't go. . ."?
i know i want to go back to school. i know i do. deep down, that is what i'm meant to do. but why don't i try? i'm not afraid of failing, mainly because i know i won't. i'm not a failure and that's that. yeah, i'm scared. yeah, it's going to be challenging, but i have always thrived on acedemic challenges.
what is holding me back from applying? what is it that is keeping me from even submitting a fafsa? where are these ropes tieing me down coming from and why can't i chew through them?
if this is what i feel i am supposed to do, if this is where i will belong, what is my freakin' problem?
it was weird to see so many women there, my age. single and so young. students. . . and here i am married and ready to buy a house.
i feel crooked. off kilter from the real world. why don't i fit in?
this isn't even what i meant to write about and my fingers smell like cilantro. it's making me queezy.
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