sinking . . . .
i suggest you rent (and watch) "my life without me" but be prepared to think and cry. it is not a "feel good movie."
so it sucked me back into depression. . . i was well on my way into sinking back into numbness, but no, this movie has thrown my a lifesaver and pulled me up into the watery abyss of free flowing tears.
damn.
i sat for a long time just running my fingers across my stomach, down to the little black bow on the v.s. underwear he bought me for valentines day one year. i wished so hard that they were his fingers and not mine. i closed my eyes, but i knew my next move. . . it's no fun without the suspense. . . without the unknown.
i dreamed he had come home last night and we couldn't have sex b/c i had taken a break from my birth control. . . which i think has been a wise choice. i feel different without it. i may go talk to my doctor about what that means when i get the time.
but anyway. . . that dream sucked. except for him being back of course. but could you imagine the irony?
i want most, more than anything: to have him standing behind me, his arms wrapped around me, one at the shoulders, one at the waist and my arms intertwined. i want to feel his breath across my neck, through my hair and hear him whisper how glad he is to be home. i want to smell him and know his presence again.
i feel like jumping and flying away.
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