|Current music:||gone till november-wyclef jean|
i hate it...i freakin hate this time of month..
i do and say so manythings i dont mean to..one minute im fine the next im a total bitch...all for no reason...
then on the other hand..theres so many things i do all the time...i speak without thinking..and make a complete ass of myself...i make a big deal outta things that aren't..i seem like im only worried about myself..but im not really..i really do care about other people and what they have to say...and i dont mean for it to come off that way..but i really do care...i really want people to think that im there for them..cuz i am..and if they have problems..im there to help any way i can...theres so many things that i do that i hate..and i kno i do them..but i've been doing them...for so long i do them without noticing..and when i do..i hate myself even more for not noticing..and another thing..when im around certian people i feel so dumb..because i dont think about things..and crap like that...and when i realize what i did..i feel like im 2 inches big..and there just standing over me looking at me saying " damn magen how can you be that stupid?" seriously..ugh..theres soooo many things that need to be changed about me..that i have to do..but im not motivated enough to do it..i kno if i do i'll become such a better person..but nothing at all ever motivates me..its so depressing..so then that makes me even more not motivated...i do the same things day in day out..school..come home..either talk er see brian..hang out with stephy..lol..((well duh))..then go to bed..and do it all over again..and that so needs to change..i need to get out in that big ol' world out there..and do something then maybe i might become motivated enough to do things..hmm who knos..