| Current mood: |  numb |
yet another punching bag to replace....
I thought that when I went out on patrol things were going to get better, but it turned out to be torture. No, I wasn't overrun by demons or vampires. I almost wish it was that, instead of having to deal with Mitran. It started when I was trying to explain to Elizabeth how we usually do patrols, and Mitran kept challenging and questioning every one of my methods or reasonings. Fortunately a vampire popped up out of the ground then and stopped the twenty questions. I was able to catch up with it pretty easily since it was just newly risen, and I punched him in the face pretty hard. That knocked him over a few feet and against a tombstone, opening himself up for a quick stake. However, Mitran pushed past me, grabbed the guy, said something about his punch being stronger than mine, and knocked his head off. Yes, be it the way the tombstone was laying, or just dumb luck, Mitran dusted the vampire with his fist. And, of course, I didn't hear the end of it the rest of the patrol:
"Aawww, poor slayer, she is not as talented as Mitran," or "Behold, for the great Mitran has dusted a vamp with his bare hands!" and "Have you been able to tear a head off a vampire with your bare hands, slayer? No? Maybe the manly Mitran will teach you," and we can't forget, "Hey slayer, you are lucky that I smoke this much, for if I were to give up I might surpass you, eh?"
That's the last time I let him sour my car with those aweful cigarettes of his. Then he does something to top his previous horribleness. While I'm packing the equipment into the Hummer after our patrol, he calls Mr. Harris up on the cb and tells him that I am jealous of him because he killed a vampire with his bare hands and I have not, and that I need to come home because I am not needed. Then he hands me the cb and tells me to cry to my watcher and he'll make it all better. What in the...I mean....of all the....this made me furious. Slaying vampires is not a contest, it's a duty. What he did to that vampire was not 'cool' it was overkill. Does he really think that I do this for fun? He's like those twerps at the country club. All fluf and pomp and nothing inside to show for it so they have to pick on the quiet girl to feel better about themselves. What is his deal? Why does he pick on me so much? Haven't I been nothing but nice to him? Why does he make me feel like crap and continually try to goad me into retaliating? Well I was determined not giving it to him. I decided that I would not let him get to me and I would ignore his comments. If we were to get into a fight I might loose control and seriously hurt him, and I don't think I could forgive myself for that.
On our way back to the Library I stopped through Taco Bell to pick up food for Ramone and Mr. Harris, and Mitran gave me a chocotaco because, according to him, little jealous slayer girls feel better about being worthless if they eat chocolate. UGH!!! But I didn't say anything. I held myself back. It wouldn't have been so degrading if Elizabeth hadn't been there to see me standing there, furious but not able to think of something witty to say back, just standing there taking it. I felt that my silence only egged him on, but I couldn't think of anything to say that I was sure would not come out awkward and silly like it usually does when I open my mouth.
When we got to the library I tried to keep my composure but I think Mr. Harris and Dwane could tell I was upset. I saw Ramone sitting over some books at the far corner table so I went and sat by him in hopes he'd be in a chatty mood so I could distract myself from Mitran, who was now doing a handstand infront of a googily eyed Elizabeth wilst bragging about his kill of the day. I knew he was doing it simply for me, but I kept my back turned away and concentrated on Ramone, who was quietly reflecting over something while his hands slid over the spell books he had converted into braile. Ever since that one moment when we kissed back in the library I'd been wanting to get near him again, but there had been one distraction after another. I managed to get Ramone to talk a little bit about what he was trying to figure out, but he was clearly distracted by his own frustration. Aparently he had found null spots where a powerful magic ward had been set up and he'd been trying to find a way to crack through it all evening. I figured that I should leave him to his research, so I went downstairs to the training room to do some work outs. After a few stretches I started a steady rhythm with the large punching bag, the last one hanging since Beth had pummeled the other one apart the other day. It felt really good to work out. My body just set itself into a nice steady beat as I punched one fist after another into the bag, and all my frustration began to just melt away.
Then Mitran walked in. He knew I was in here. He knew that I was avoiding him. I decided not to notice him, and I kept my rhythm with the bag. Right......left......right......left......he pulled his shirt off and started flexing his muscles at me from across the room. Then he started working the speed bag on the other side of the room....started insulting my technique, started picking apart what I did. I didn't say anything, I thought he'd stop eventually, but he kept going. I started punching harder. Still a steady tempo, but a bit faster. Dwane walked in and went over to the weapons chest, putting up some of his tools. I hoped that maybe Mitran would cool it down then, but he ignored him and kept on. Right...left...right...left......he then went on about how I fought, called me a coward, said I was nothing. Have to ignore him, can't let him get to me...the more he went on the harder and faster I beat that bag.....right,left,right,left,right,left.....I was so angry, I don't think I've ever been that angry in such a time. All I could hear was Mitran's words and the constant pounding of the bag, which I was pouring all my anger and frustration into. I felt it start to give way at the ceiling, but I didn't care. My hands started to ache, but I ignored it. Even when Ramone walked in and said hello to me I couldn't bring myself to say anything in return, because I was gritting my teeth so hard as too hold myself back. It was about then that the punching bag disconnected from the ceiling and crashed against the wall.
I didn't know what to do, I didn't have anything to hit anymore, so I just stood there with my fists clenched. I tried to hold it back but tears were welling up in my eyes, and I knew I couldn't let Mitran see it, so I kept my back to him. Mitran stopped hitting the speed ball and got down on the floor and started doing pushups while touting his strength amongst other insults towards me, the largest of which was the insistance that Ramone sit on his back while he continue his pushups. When Ramone agreed a pang went through me chest. Why was he agreeing to go along with Mitran like this? Then Ramone did something unexpected. Mitran started straining harder than usual, and it was after his breath became heavy and he stopped talking as he barely reached push up number 15 that I realized that Ramone had been magically making himself heavier than normal. When Mitran stopped Ramone got up, turned to him, and said, "yep, Natalie's still stronger." I felt a rush of adrenaline; Ramone, in albeit an obviously unkind way, had come to my defence. This was the first time anyone in the group actually said anything in my favor, and for just one moment I forgot about my anger. I took a deep breath and I started to walk out the door.
I tried to avoid Mitran as I passed him, but he walked up right beside me and said, "so the little slayer is too afraid to fight her own battles so she sends her little boyfriend to best me with his mag-" It was then that I swung around and slapped him. I had held myself back for two days now and that last comment for some reason just ripped out the last string of twine holding me back. All my pent up anger went into my right hand, and Mitran flew over the table and onto the floor mat. That was when Dwane shot his gun into the floor.
The sound was deafening and my ears rang as the bang echoed around the concrete walls. I don't think Dwane had to shoot off his gun, I think he was trying to break us up, but it didn't phase Mitran one bit. He stood up off the mat and started shouting at me about his father's death by demons and how he could've saved him had he had my power. As he kept shouting these phrases he charged at me. I felt Mr. Harris and Ramone as well as the others running in the room to see where the shot came from. It was then that I looked into Mitran's eyes and all I saw was pain. All the things that he had said before melted off my back. They didn't matter anymore. He swung his fist at me so I moved out of the way. He kepted swinging at me shouting about how my powers were undeserved, how he had worked all his life to be good at slaying demons and I came along and was undeservedly better in two months, but they didn't sting me like they used to anymore. After about the fifth swing I dodged he stopped and stood there in front of me. Despite all the jabs and insults and times when he made me feel like the dregs of the earth, I felt sorry for Mitran. He had a look of utter defeat, but despite what he thought of me I didn't feel good for winning this fight, if that's what it should be called. As he turned to leave I grabbed his shoulder. I told him that I was sorry for his loss, but he shouldn't take it out on me. I told him that this is the first time I had ever hit another human being like that, and I hoped never to hit someone like that again. I told him that if he dared put me through this again because of something I didn't do I'd hit him again but not hold back. I picked up the fallen punching bag and apologized to Mr. Harris for breaking it and that I'd pay for the replacement. Then I walked out of the room and headed for my car.
I just wanted to get away from everything. Today had been so mentally exhausting and I felt horrible. I felt like the dregs of the earth. I shouldn't have let my temper fly and hit Mitran like that, but he brought Ramone into it. It's one thing to insult me, but to bring other people into it was too much. As I was walking to my car Mr. Harris called out and stopped me. I was half expecting a lecture, since I did loose my temper, but instead he told me he was proud of the way I handled myself in there. He said that I could've let myself go and seriously hurt him, but I didn't, and that's what counts. I admitted to Mr. Harris then that I was starting to feel that Mitran was right, that I'm not really needed in the group. Mr. Harris reasured me, told me that I was the reason that the scoobies meet here, that I'm the reason he's here. He said not to listen to Mitran, he's got a lot of pain in his past that he hadn't dealt with yet, and I shouldn't feel bad about myself because of his problems. I felt better, but I still needed to get away from things for a bit, so I asked Mr. Harris if he'd take me out for ice cream. He agreed! It really felt good to, for just one moment, forget about the Order of the Spear, and Nick's escape, and my problems with Mitran, and talk about candy sprinkles on ice cream. I tried to explain to Mr. Harris why everyone puts candy colored sprinkles on soft serve icecream, but he seems to think that they look like little hamster poop. I assumed he definately wouldn't like chocolate sprinkles then.
Well that's all for now. Twitch just called on the radio about Ramone finding a way to break into and monitor what's going on in those null areas, so Mr. Harris and I are going to meet them at the Library and discuss plans. Hope it goes well.
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