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Kayla (n_this_skin) wrote,
@ 2004-06-26 22:37:00
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    Current mood: drained
    Current music:Leave (Get Out) - JoJo

    Why?
    (I'm a little 'off' today, so bare with me if the entry gets a little confusing)

    First, I'll fill you in on Thursday. I was having a not-to-good day. My period finally stopped so that was a good thing... but it kept getting worse... progressing into Friday... which progressed into today. Anywho, I was going to lay in the sun and I couldn't find the CD I wanted... so I just listened to a different one. The sun was out for 30 minutes TOP once I got out there. Well...I wasn't going to get to see Josh... but then my mom said that she had to go to Wal-Mart. So Josh came with us, and then we went out to eat. At Wal-Mart, they didn't have the D12 CD I wanted, Josh invited his friend to go out to eat with us (I don't mind his friends, I like them, it's just I wanted it to be us-- and my mom was bad enough, lol), we lost my mom, and then Josh kicked this cup someone had set out that was filled with something (?) and it just happened to go ALL OVER ME. Needless to say, I was pissed at him. Then he got mad b/c I was mad at him & I felt that he should be the one trying to apologize to me. Mom through her fit at me over it, we got to Pizza Hut (my choice) and just so it happens a big group of Pikeville girls waltz in just to add to my miserable state. Josh and I made up (shocker, huh? lol).... but just everything before that was making me hate my life.

    Moving on...

    This day has been so draining. So...horrible. Ava's kitten Bailey got sick. It did the same thing Pep did. It started losing weight, then stopped nursing. So I went Wal-Mart and bought a bottle for kittens and some kitten formula and fed it myself. That was Thursday. I wasn't feeding it that much out of the bottle b/c I wasn't sure if it would nurse or not, and you're not supposed to over-feed a kitten b/c it can hurt it's digestive tract. Well, yesterday it started to get really bad so I just decided to feed it way, way more. I gave it about an ounce or over that. Well, I let it sleep with me, and it snuggled right up between my pillow and the pillow beside mine and slept kind of on it's side- almost on it's back. I fed it every two-three hours, and I woke up at 5:26 a.m. to feed it again and as usual it's poor little body felt so limp and weak. I tried sticking the bottle in it's mouth and it wouldn't even open it when I tried to force it open. So I just petted it a little b/c I thought maybe it wasn't fully awake, you know. And I had it in my palm and it started breathing really really fast. At this point I sat it in my lap and was saying stuff like, "What's wrong, baby?" and kissing it and stuff, but tears were already forming in my eyes. Then it started stretching out it's arms and legs and screaming in a weak little voice. By then, I was bawling & saying, "Please don't do this to me, please!" and then Ava came up on the bed and started meowing at me and put her paws on the kitten like she was going to pick it up and take it from me. It died. So I sat there huvering over it crying so hard, then I went to my moms room still crying and told her about it. She just said, "There's nothing we could do about it," and just laid there, half asleep. That really hurt me, and I was crying, "Nobody cares." So, I went back to my room and called Josh and told him. He was there for me, as usual. My mom came in my room about 5-10 minutes later and told me that we tried, and stuff. We were even going to take it to the vet today. I wrapped it up in paper towls like I did Pep, and put it in a small box. Ava saw what I was doing and throughout the morning she was acting so weird-- jumping up on my bed and smelling it everywhere, runniong around my room giving that purry/meow voice that she does for her kittens and it was so sad. Josh stayed on the phone with me until a little after 6:00 a.m. and I made him go back to bed. But I stayed up... took my sheets, pillow cases, and comforter to the bathroom to be washed...and I got one of my moms quilts from the quilt rack in the living room to sleep with. I finally got in the bed about 8:00 a.m. only to be woke back up by Katie (my 3 year old niece) an hour later. My whole body was aching by the time I went back to bed at 3:00 p.m. I only slept til about 5:30ish though. Then I showered and now...I'm here.

    I just don't get why God is doing this. I know there is a plan for everybody... but... I JUST DON'T GET IT. It's not fair.

    My sister, her husband, and Katie came in last night and stayed here. They're going back Sunday though... and that's about it. I also found an article on how to toilet train your cat. It's pretty interesting. ( http://www.karawynn.net/mishacat/toilet.html ). I might try it one of these days... I'm such a germ freak though I don't know how I'd feel about the cats being on the toilet. I probably wouldn't use the one they use until they stop putting their paws in litter and I give them a good 'scrub-down' to get all the litter germs off of their paws. I love my babies though. Wouldn't trade 'em for the world.

    Well...I'm gonna stop here. I'll update later & HOPEFULLY things won't be so bad. Things usually happen in threes

    1.) Pepper died
    2.) Thursday
    3.) Bailey died

    What'a group. Now maybe the bad will stop-- and I can heal. Depression will start to set in soon if things don't brighten up...and I don't want to go through that again. Well.... I'm out.

    -Kayla*



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