Create Journals
Update Journals

Find Users

Create New

Latest News
How to Use



mzJewels (mzjewels) wrote,
@ 2003-03-04 13:17:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry

    Current mood: drained

    Dont know what to do
    I thought I was handling this very well, but as it turns out I wasn't handling it at all... I was just shoveling it off and treating it like a dog had died (not really). Trying not to hurt myself hoping that I would forget about this and move on. I realize I cant do that, I have to face it. Which I have started to now. It is almost like I am scared to face it that is why I havent yet. I cant stop crying and I just feel like crap. I am sooo MAD at everything, I argue just to argue because it makes me feel good to get things out. But as I am doing this I am hurting my relationship with my boyfriend. We are crubbling just like Jordan's life did. Slowing but surly. I don't know what to do anymore. I sit here and think about him every night for hours before I go to bed. I stare at his box of ashes and wish I was changing his diaper or feeding him. I picture my room full with his crib and clothes and toys everywhere. Geez I even miss sitting in the hospital next to him for 2 months. I would rather be in the hospital with him than be out here alone without him. I want everything to go back!!!! And what frustrats me the most is that I cant get the picture out of me head when he passed. He looked nothing like the Jordan I gave birth too, he was soo swollen and red. I misss him so very much!!!! I almost wish I could be up there with him among all the other angels.

(Read comments)

Post a comment in response:

Username:  Password: 
No HTML allowed in subject
 Don't auto-format:
Enter the security code below.

Allowed HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <address> <area> <b> <bdo> <big> <blockquote> <br> <caption> <center> <cite> <code> <col> <colgroup> <dd> <dd> <del> <dfn> <div> <dl> <dt> <dt> <em> <font> <h1> <h2> <h3> <h4> <h5> <h6> <hr> <i> <img> <ins> <kbd> <li> <li> <map> <marquee> <ol> <p> <pre> <q> <s> <samp> <small> <span> <strike> <strong> <sub> <sup> <table> <tbody> <td> <tfoot> <th> <thead> <tr> <tt> <u> <ul> <var> <xmp>
© 2002-2008. Blurty Journal. All rights reserved.