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when I had a half gram of the best crank around.. .. I was told not to do more than a quarter at a time.. but I had a half.. ... it was a heavy half too... and I had a mirror in my room.. so I dumped it all out on that mirror.. .. and it was a lot.... I stood up... I went to the kitchen.. and I got a spoon.. I was thinking.. during that walk from the kitchen.. back to my bedroom... what if I die... .. what would happen.. I want to know.. .. what if.. I die.. so I took the mirror.. and got a needle.. I took the spoon.. and I went to the bathroom.. .. I sat the spoon down.. and I picked up the crank on the mirror.. and placed every bit of it in the spoon.. .. you see.. you have to add water.. to it.. in order to turn it into a liquid.. and inject it.. how much water you add.. will depend on the severity of the rush.. I drew up water into the needle... I had only put 20 units of water on it.. when normally.. you shouldn't even do a half gram at a time.. 'n if you did.. you should add more of like 35 units of water.. I made it think... I wanted... to die.. I added it to the spoon... to the crank.. and I mixed it up.. until it was nice.. and liquid... I thought to myself.. .. is this the last shot I'll ever do.. will I die.. here.. in my own bathroom.. of my own home... I drew up the crank.. in the needle.. .. I thought some more.. I said to myself.. what are you doing, Kenny.. why are you doing this... .. I coughed.. .. then I sneezed.. .. and coughed some more.. ... I rinsed off the needle.. and prepped it for my arm.. I'm shaking.. right now.. tellin' you this.. I raised the needle to my face.. and looked at it.. that 20 units of water.. had blown up.. to a 50 shot... that means.. there is 20 units of water.. and 30 units of crank.... that's... horrid.. when the units of crank outweighs the water... that's bad.. that means you shouldn't do it.. I thought some more.. ... should I put some back.. just do it all.. .. I want.. to die.. I punctured the skin.. of my arm and placed the needle in my vein.. .. I thought some more.. this is going to be a good one.. I said.. .. I registered the needle.. I pulled back on the plunger... there was blood.. the needle starting swarming with blood.. I thought some more.. .. Jesus.. what am I doing.. .. I pushed the plunger.. down.. down.. until it was all injected.. ... ... my memory.. is lost.. from there on out.. .. I had passed out.. for 2 hours.. I was sitting on the toilet.. my head.. was lying on the counter.. the needle.. still in my arm.. ... whenever you pass out.. like that.. .. every time you do.. there is a chance you won't wake up.. but.. I had woken up.. .. I was sad.. I wanted to die.. .. the rush.. was better than an orgasm.. .. I couldn't believe it.. I didn't know what to do.. stand.. sit.. or just lie down.. my mind was racing.. .. my feet wouldn't stop moving.. .. the walls.. were melting.. I could grasp myself.. I had to go to work... I stood up.. .. but fell back down... I couldn't grasp reality yet.. .. I was too far gone.. that was the 3rd time I had tried to od.. .. I did od.. mildly... but.. I didn't die.. I crawled.. because I couldn't walk.. I made it to the kitchen... and I looked at the clock.. .. it was 1.17... and I had went in there at 10.16... I didn't realize that.. .. I panic'd.. then I puked... I remembered I hadn't put away the needle 'n stuff in the bathroom... I crawled back in there.. and I shut the door.. .. I put everything away.. and I took the mirror.. and I crawled to my room..and put it away.. as I was crawling back out.. my step-sister had come upstairs.. she said.... and I remember that I could hardly hear her.. her voice.. was dampen'd in my head.. because.. the ringing was so loud.. she said.. .. what are you doing, Kenny... .. what are you doing to yourself... .. I slowly looked up at her.. .. I lay'd completely on the floor.. and I just told her.. .. I'm killing myself.. .. and I'm going to work.. she shook her head.. .. and went back downstairs.... I stood up... .. I feel back down on the couch.. I was sweating.... ALOT... I was soaked in sweat.... I crawled to the bathroom.. and I turned on the shower.. .. I had to be at work at 2.... it was 1.30... I thought to myself.. .. you can't drive, Kenny... what are you doing... .. you're a fool, Kenny.. .. I said to myself.. you're hopeless.... then I said out loud.. to myself.. We Live Without Hope.... that still rings in my head.... and.. I dunno... I rinsed off in the shower.. .. on my knees.. I looked up at the shower head.. it was wrong.. something wasn't right about it.. the water... .. it wasn't running.... I frowned.. I thought I had turned it on.. it was 1.55 I'm going to be late for work I told myself.. .. but I didn't care... I crawled out of the shower.. I was naked... I was hot.. sweating... I couldn't move... I was.. too involved.. on trying to make my way out of the bathroom.. .. but I couldn't move.. .. I puked again.. and I panicked.. there was blood in my puke.. .. I couldn't move.. I.. I didn't know what to do.. my step-sister was downstairs... no one but myself was upstairs..... I thought I had done a good thing.. .. I tried to stand up... I couldn't move... my whole body gave out.. and with a thud.. I hit the floor.. you're a waste, Kenny.. I told myself.. you're never going to be anything.. but a druggie I told myself.. why.. I asked myself.. I replied out loud.. I want to die... I jumped.. I startled myself.. I didn't' know who I was talking to.. my head.. felt like there was insects crawling all over it.. I couldn't feel anything.. I was numb.. .. but I was comfortable.. .. it was 2.25 I tried to stand up.. I couldn't move... I puked again.. .. but I couldn't move... I looked at the shower.. I heard something.. the water was running.. .. I had turned it on.. .. I was wet.. it was water.. not sweat.. .. I frowned... I couldn't grasp myself.. .. I couldn't move... .. I stood up.. I couldn't move.. I layed down.. but I couldn't move.. this was getting to me. .. I puked again... I didn't know what to do.. I didn't' know where I was... I didn't know how to react... I was.. lost.. and I wanted to die... finally.. I felt my muscles.. begin to respond.. I could move.. I stood up... but I fell back down.. I used the wall.. and the sink for support.. I hurriedly open'd the door.. .. there was my step-sister... she was crying... .. I wasn't.. .. I told her to get back downstairs... .. she did so.. I fell back down... I got dressed... I got my keys.. and headed .. for my car... I forgot shoes.. I turned around.... and got some shoes... I left the water running.. .. I turned it off... I got in my car.. and I went to work... while I was at work.. I was stumbling.. I didn't' know where I was.. but I knew I was there... I was lost.. and David.. the other cook and Nancy's son... knew it.. Nancy was the owner... and David was her son.. Jody .. her daughter.. knew something was wrong.. David.. let me come back home.. but I didn't want to go.. .. it was 3.30... .. my dad would be home at 4... so I went home.. ... I went off in the ditch.. I woke up.. and went back to the other ditch.. I liked that ditch better... I made it home... I knocked.. my dad answered... he saw me.. my face was red... my eyes were so wide.. I couldn't stand still... he shook his head.. called me ate up.. and let me in.... I went to the bathroom.. .. I lied on the floor... and I looked up at the ceiling.. and said to myself... I want to die... Post a comment in response: |
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