Create Journals
Update Journals

Journals
Find Users
Random

Read
Search
Create New

Communities
Latest News
How to Use

Support
Privacy
T.O.S.

Legal
Username:
Password:

‡ħę ¤ ®ėvẽ®ĕŋđ ¤ Åŋ†ị©ħ®ı§† ¤ §ųpẻ®§†ẫ® (mysterysunshine) wrote,
@ 2003-11-14 18:00:00
Previous Entry  Add to memories!  Tell a Friend!  Next Entry

    my written decline.
    the light of hope just flickered out
    complete dark, no sound, too weak to shout
    bleak, and obsolete, 19 and diseased
    I wish I knew why my vision decreased
    it's blurry, and focus is getting hard
    the beginning is here, this is when it has to start
    thoughts falling, mind creeping me out
    trying to re-direct myself, opening another route
    it isn't working, someone help
    I can't stand it, tired of yelling at myself
    .. pain sets in ..
    I try to scratch away the little pieces
    they're only to be replace by bigger ceases
    a twitch in my mind is showing through
    deadening these sounds, just to try and hear you
    prided myself on dragging me down
    but this piercing sound, is killing me
    fierce, but slow, soft, yet hard
    the sound of death, it's drawing near
    I've found myself dead, to your cold fear
    don't be afraid for me, I don't want your sympathy
    everyone's against me, my minds with them, a conspiracy
    my heart, killing all things
    blistering eyes, feeling each sting
    corrupted, feeling alone
    I'll take a stand, as I sit on my throne

    now, it really begins
    I'll repent, each of my dreadful sins
    watching myself, going deeper down the hole
    dripping myself, eating the ribs I stole
    hollow for room, room for pain
    I look to the left and the right, everything is one huge stain
    my life, is a big mistake
    you can have it, it mis-communicates
    I've lost control, therefore, lost the will
    moving so fast, yet sitting so still
    the watcher watches, he begins to see
    that inside this dying world, nothing is set free
    I can't be me, with myself, I'm scared
    but I'll still stand up, and do what you wouldn't dare
    I've got no reason to be afraid
    this is my ending I've safely displayed
    it came sooner than expected
    in my heart, seeing myself rejected
    I can't cope with the loss of myself
    I've done the mistake, and I don't need the help
    I am my own god
    even if I do consider myself a fraud
    it's me, my own fraud, my insides clawed
    escaped the dread, catching the dark
    seeing the end, but viewing the start

    forever paying for this damage I've caused
    picture of a gun in my hand, it suddenly dis-charged
    I find no more, this isn't me
    searching myself to maybe accidentally see
    the face I found 2 months ago
    insisting I haven't drug myself this low
    I tried, to stay alive, lost my will
    nowhere to turn, why not just die, do you see me still?
    even when I'm right with you I'm so far away
    thinking the problem, I convince myself to stay
    missing the point, I fall away from myself
    getting back up, to find my shelf
    lay down, right here, and close your eyes
    still surprise myself, on how much it bled
    kill him away, here I am, put him to bed
    soaring high, but I ain't go wings
    needless to say, I hate how much wind stings
    the date is due, and I'm starting to run late
    should I stay, or try to change fate?
    I wish someone could tell me why I hate
    everything but nothing at all
    on the brink of watching my own downfall
    it was said once, and now again
    my biggest mistake, was covering my stain
    look in my eyes, and tell me you wouldn't do the same
    at least I'll go down, in one huge flame

    the memories of the dead times we had
    I'll have lived to know, not all were that bad
    we had it once, and I'd do it again
    looking for myself, wondering how to contain
    I wish you the best, and nothing at all
    if I was there, would you take the fall?
    if I hide, will you promise to forget
    all my wallowing, surrounding my dis-content
    I don't want to know, after I'm gone
    I'll be happy to know, that I can do no harm
    my head looking down, my vision looking up
    1..2..3.. it'll begin with a message interrupt
    I found my place, when I'm gone will you mis-place my body and my mind
    I'm tired of searching and pain is all I find
    what good use is that
    I'm a thought not spoken
    I'm the smoke you aren't smoking
    open the door, the silence is me
    look through it, the darkness sets me free
    I'm a second alter-ego, set to self destruct
    why can't I stop the pain
    nothing I do helps, I'll stop to complain
    don't listen to me, I'm not worth the words I speak
    I'm a fucked up freak
    Fuck you all, but don't ever judge me

    I could guide you half-way down 'n show you how
    after you get there, tell the keeper he's allowed
    he'll know what to do and he'll go do it
    once he's done, I'll go completely to shit
    Fuck myself and everyone around me
    in an attempt to show you I'm free
    mystical creation
    dripping sensation
    altered apprehension
    physical mis-direction
    emotional comprehension
    underhand temptation
    all can be found in this dying nation
    I'm hating myself, and disconcerting others
    all pain I've felt
    means nothing to myself
    crawling around, bleeding bad
    trying to find, simple thoughts I had
    direction missed, temperature rising
    dead body laying, physically compromising
    due structure, leading mis-directions
    lacking time, cause of procrastination
    distance increasing, minds under achieving
    overwhelming incompetence, sufficiently incoherent
    effective persistence, devious disposition
    faulty distinction, common extinction

    I look in your eyes, I am the faults I see
    my reflection mirror image you don't need me
    maybe I should just stay discontent
    everyone'll just start to name a concept
    61, 14, and the ace of clubs
    seeing the distance, and what it's memory does
    I'm out not to see
    I no longer want what this mind gives me
    I hate it, I'm in need of something..
    I wish I knew what..
    I wish I knew..
    I'm alive, but dead inside
    I no longer care, there's no reason to hide
    by myself and never anyone else
    except their body, but never they're own self
    someone's true colors suck
    I wish I knew the quickest way
    so close, but yet so far
    out the window, there sits my car
    distance clouds, teardrops surrounding trees
    the green grass blades, and the pretty green leaves
    tempers flare, control over-thrown
    tossed around and settled down
    learning my quest, to offer the clown
    pass it over, peace to me
    thinking aloud, but all to silently


(Read comments)

Post a comment in response:

From:
 
Username:  Password: 
Subject:
No HTML allowed in subject
 

No Image
 

 Don't auto-format:
Message:
Enter the security code below.


Notice! This user has turned on the option that logs your IP address when posting.

Allowed HTML: <a> <abbr> <acronym> <address> <area> <b> <bdo> <big> <blockquote> <br> <caption> <center> <cite> <code> <col> <colgroup> <dd> <dd> <del> <dfn> <div> <dl> <dt> <dt> <em> <font> <h1> <h2> <h3> <h4> <h5> <h6> <hr> <i> <img> <ins> <kbd> <li> <li> <map> <marquee> <ol> <p> <pre> <q> <s> <samp> <small> <span> <strike> <strong> <sub> <sup> <table> <tbody> <td> <tfoot> <th> <thead> <tr> <tt> <u> <ul> <var> <xmp>
© 2002-2008. Blurty Journal. All rights reserved.