| Current mood: |  depressed |
| Current music: | snow patrol - how to be dead |
wish i could change who i am...
currently im sitting here listing to snow patrol - how to be dead. and i think its amamzing, the lyrics are jsut fantastic! but then again a depressing song liek this isnt exactly what i nedd right now. god i find myself picking me apart. listing all my faults and compairng myslf constatly to those i consider to be 'perfect' or 'above me'. i sit here soem times thinking i am who i am, each to his own, but i feel like im trying to convince a non beliver. its like trying to convert a deaf person, your mouth is moving and your using all your best lines to make them belvie what your telling them but in the end it doesnt matter because they cant hear a word.
but latly ive been wishing that i was anyone but myself. god id give anything to look and act different, jsut to be a whole different person. its gotten to the point where when ever i see myself in the mirror i fucking hate what i see looking back at me. im sick of being a fat ugly spotty teenager. god i see some of my firends take people leike kate, ella, carys and lizzie ( to name but a few) thier amazing looking people with plenty of people aorund to tell tem that. i spend ages getting ready to go any where, even to schhol because i know that my beatuiful friends are going to be thier. its like these people are never alone. okay lets take guys for an example, thiers always one guy or another chasing my friends. and i know im not alone in saying this, cosi know dman well im not the only girl out tiher who feels like this, but its never hard t onotice how mcuh attention some people get. and its these people who are those beatuful size 8 that people worship. god without soundin like osme big headed bitch i would love to have that osrt of attention, if i had the option thiers nothing i wouldnt change about myself. even my personality, i hate my personality. like ive siad before i wish i wasnt so loud and weird when im around people. because i know hats what everyone thinks i am, 'weird'. im jsut that annoying weird one who annoyes people. and its only infront of people that i become hat extrovert type personality, im so differnt when im alone. i better people would like me so much more if i was like that all the time. if i was cute and giggly, if i was smart and fuuny. not into weird things like computer games. i dont like the person i am. i wish i could change who i am.
im sorry i jeep writing entires like this but this is pretty much my only outlet.
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