schizophrenic
sometimes i feel like i don't know who i am anymore.
my friend belle and i had dinner at NYPD last night. we were talking about one of our teammates and how everyone's been complaining about her attitude towards work. we both agreed that it all boiled down to her (lack of) flexibility and adaptability when it comes to dealing with the changes that our team faces from time to time. that got me thinking, and i blurted out, "ako na yata ang pinaka-flexible na tao sa mundo. kahit saan mo ko ilagay, kaya kong makibagay."
belle's amused response was something i did not take lightly. she said, "oo, kahit saan hindi ka nagsa-stand out!"
a pause.
a half-hearted smile.
and a timid bite of pizza.
i realized then that belle's words were nothing but spoken truth. it's like, i've let my whole personality become completely dependent on the people around me. when i'm with chris, i'm this sweet, affectionate, emotional, and somewhat childish girl-next-door. when i'm with office friends, i'm a loud bully whose idea of fun is laughing at other people's flaws. when i'm with my family, i become passive and nonchalant - someone who'd never be caught revealing any hint of what she's feeling inside.
i guess i'm just a lot of people stuck inside the body of a single person, if that's even conceivable. i worry a lot, though, that one day everyone around me would just disappear. WHO WILL I BE THEN?
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