Ok...I was really depressed today, and I revealed what was bothering me.
"Then I come home to find out Frigit's depressed again. Because she doesn't have a best friend. I can understand why that would be upsetting to someone. I'm not going to lie to her, or me, or especially Sam...Sam is my best friend. I've been lucky. First it was Caitlin, then Andrea, and now...Sam. It always will be Sam. You know what I realized in the car today that freaked me out, in a good way? I was held back in pre-school because of my shyness....and she SKIPPED a grade. If not for that, I'd be a tenth grader now, and she'd be in 8th grade. I mean, that is too much of a coincidence for me. It was fate. We were meant to find each other, for more than the obvious reasons *meaningful eye contact at sissy* But Frigit, just 'cause Sam's my sister doesn't mean I CARE about you less. I love you to death, #1/2 actress. :-D I'm here for you if you need" me.
I'm sorry, but that didn't help my spirits much. Having her brag about her best friends...no. I mean, I don't mistrust the fact that she doesn't care, but honestly...I'm suisidal and she brags about how perfect her best friend is. I know I shouldn't be saying this, but no one reads this diary. I can say what I want with out feeling all ashamed if someone reads it. And if perhaps someone does read this, then they will be in for a surprise. I feel worse than I did before. I don't want to say that in my diaryland diary because I don't want to come off as depressed and junk. My friends mean the world to me and I don't think expressing my thoughts is more important. This is why I have this diary. Thanks diary...for always being there. And because no one reads this, I will say what I want. This is my escape from presure. Right here: What irks me is the whole Elven sissy thing. "Just becasue Sam's my sister" No. Just no. That isn't kosher with my beliefs. If she is your best friend you care for her more. End of story. If Shannon cared for me as much then she wouldn't have a best friend. You care for your best friend above all others. I'm sorry, but that is just the way life works, so saying that "just because sam is my sister" doesn't make my spirits rise. Technically, she isn't your sister...she is your friend, and to call her a sister, means you care for her more. I pray to God that no one finds this diary. I will lose alot of friends if I do. Well I'm going to go back to my depressed life. Maybe I can find some thing other than friends to heal me. Obviously, Shannon is the only one who cares. I don't here anyone else crying over me. I am such a begger for atention. It's pathetic.