|Current mood:|| depressed|
My internal battle on good and evil
It's like this feeling I can't seem to hide from. Demons scater in side my body and scratch on the inside of my skin, and they torment me to beliving them as the howl in my ear like a one line telephone. I need help. What do you do when nobody care for you. Me, I'm an emothional wreck so I cry unstopably until I crack and go mideval. It scares me to think of who I will become if I can't convince the demons to play in the sunlight. I fear they will conquer my mental feelings and drive me to do something drastic. The tears burn my eyes and they leave scars on my soul. OH how they BURN! I cannot seem to stop them. It's almost like spaying a mist of water on a bombfire. Water is SUPPOSED to stop fire, But the fire will always burn unless you put A BUNCH of water on it. I feel that good is SUPPOSED to win, But it isn't. It is losing by a long shot and I have no means of returning back into my predestined character. It use my tears as a means of escaping so that they never return unless I pardon forgiveness to whom I'm mad at! Why can't the demons let me be! I need to rid of them! Cring dosn't do anything, Just make it worse. I wish for the people in which hate me wallow in thier self pitey of having a disgrace upon my retched heart. I scream to the sky calling "HELP WITH FORGIVENESS" but I guess my time will come as soon as it is ready for me. I can only begin to hope that when my time comes, I'll be ready for it and I will still have friends behind me all the way. Tis a long dark journey to get to my disired spirit. The river of love runs cold down my hoarse throat and heals the wounds of the innocent. It calls my name for far distances and I try to use the compass of my own personal Knowledge and Faith to lead me in the right direction. I fear that if I haven't learned enough, Then my discisions will be faulty and I will be mislead my the demonds. They feed of of my hate, and they haven't eaten in days. I wish to starve them but they are too cunning for me. "Who needs her? she never talks to you or says 'hi' to you in the halls! why waste your energy on someone who wont waste the same energy on you?" is what they wisper in my self concious ear. The beg for revenge and I refuse to give in. But when you are tired, Weak is what you are and sleep is what you need. The demonds offer me straight up sleep, and the goodness offer me eternal peace and rest, but the time will come later. So I tell the demonds that I feel the goodness has a better bargin. But my vow to them never lasts. I give in to the demonds for rest, and YES they do give me rest, but they NEVER give me peace. Over and over again I must go through the tourcher of evil and I can't seem to wonder why I just don't get it. Good is there inside my soul, but it seems the demons exterminated it, and the good is tring with all their might to get back in. Why won't the demons have mercy? Have they no Pity? Have they no Heart. Alas, no! they are pure evil and evil is what I will become if I don't act Now! NOW is the time to act! NOW is the time to invite the good back in, or smuggle them in if need be. The demons don't own me, Why let them puss me around??