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Remus had pulled his hair back; it had grown so long that he pulled it into a small ponytail, but there were still wavy locks that framed his almost grey pallor face. It looked like he had been ill for the most part of the day, and had lost a battle with sleep. He wore his best robes, deep black, a gold ornate clasp on the cloak. His fingers toyed with the edges of the cloak, since there were no tears or strings loose up on them. Amber hues darted quickly as he stepped into the area where Sirius was working on supper. He pressed his hand against the door frame to balance himself. He cleared his throat , looking to the floor as he spoke. "Sirius...." Sirius turned away from the counter where he was preparing a salad, and humming to himself as he worked. He gave Remus a warm smile as he saw him in the doorway, dressed so nicely. "Welcome to the Laboratory that I dwell in." he smiled, then setting down the salad tossing tools, he reached for his glass of wine, and took a sip. "Can I get you some wine?" he asked as he crossed the large room, moving toward his friend. He looked a bit worn himself, but his trademark smile and easy going manner were all in place. "Thank you for the offer, Sirius, but I am afraid that the wine will not sit well in my stomach...." He released a soft sigh, and watched Sirius with those amber hues. "I came down to let you know that I do not think it wise I join you and Severus for dinner....And if you remember, my appetite was always small..." He attempted to stand up straight on his own, and let his hand slip down to his side. "Although my decline of the offer leaves me in dampened spirits..." He inhaled. "It does smell wonderful." Sirius frowned at his old friend, and could well understand his unease with the situation. No one in the household was exactly bouncing with joy over it. He moved closer to Remus, and placed a hand on his thin, and bony shoulder. "Remus. You need to eat, no matter how little it is." he said in a soothing tone. "Severus and I would not want you to be eating off of a tray in your room, we have... " he paused, then realizing it was probably too late to take it back, continued. "We have things to discuss with you that effect all of us. I know one matter he needs to talk with you about involves the Wolfsbane Potion. He has graciously offered to brew it for you." he said with a proud smile, and a direct look into Remus' eyes. The idea that Severus had offered to brew the Wolfsbane Potion threw Remus for a loop. He looked quite surprised. His mouth opened and closed several times as he fought to think of something to say. "Wouldn't it be more comfortable for the two of you if I remained in my room?" He sounded confused, as if his entire plan were to never leave the room unless asked to do so. "But I....." He paused, and took a breath, looking pained. "I have thought on this since the invitation was offered, and I do think it best if I do not attend. In fact I think it best if I were to leave altogether..." His hand was shaking as he gently pushed Sirius' hand off of his shoulder. "It would suit you and Severus if I were to go, would it not? I do not, and have never wanted to be a burden, Sirius; you know that." Sirius looked into Remus' eyes for a long moment, and slowly shook his head. "I will not lie to you Remus, it will be ... strange having you here with us, considering everything, but Severus has made the offer that you stay, and that he brew the potion for you." he paused, taking a long breath. "That was difficult for him Remus, and a real move forward for him, and you." he said, "Believe me, if he didn't want you to remain here, he would have made that known to the both of us. I know he wants to talk to you about certain matters tonight..." he explained, then seeing that Remus had brushed off his touch, he employed his most charming smile and flutter of eyelashes. "Please Remus, let's try to start a new friendship with the three of us." He looked as if he were about to shatter, and break into tiny pieces. "Sirius, you have no idea how much it hurts to stay here with the two of you. As much as I know you wish to help, it is killing me..." He had said it softly, an afterthought of wishing Sirius not to hear it. "I will speak with Severus if he wishes so, and if it must be done over supper, then I will join you for it...but I will only speak if I asked to do so....There are a few things I wish to speak with him about, hopefully they will ease his mind, as I'm sure his thoughts are that I'm here to steal you away or something of the like." He gasped a moment, closed his eyes, and pressed his hand against the frame of the door. There was at least a week, possibly two left before his transformation, but the nearer it came, the more he suffered. "He has everything, and I have nothing, it is how it should be, and how I'm sure he wishes it to be, Sirius." He gasped again, and let his hand drop down, opening his eyes. "I do not want you to suffer any pain or sadness because of me, Sirius....I am not worth the effort of your tears..." He lifted a hand, traced a finger under Sirius' eye, and then withdrew his hand quickly as if he had touched hot metal. "Forgive me...." He bowed quickly, and stepped backwards. Sirius was suddenly angry, he had gone through mental Hell the night before because he wanted to help Remus, and better his life, and now here he was acting the coward and running away. His eyes flared in anger and he grabbed Remus by the shoulders, preventing his retreat. "No! You are not going to run away from this Remus. People are willing to help you and all you want to do is play the simpering martyr! It's time to grow up Remus. You are a werewolf, not a bloody leper!" he growled, staring intensely into his friends wide eyes. "I WON'T let you just turn and run with your tail between your legs. Be a man Remus! For once in your life stand on your own feet and be a man!" he said then with a short shove of his hands, let go of Remus and took a step backwards, watching him closely from under his long, now disarrayed fringe. Remus stumbled backwards slightly, and caught himself by pressing his hand to the wall. "Do you know what would happen if it were known that I was here?" His head tipped to the side slightly. "It has happened to me so many times...If they knew that there was a werewolf in this house....the people would keep away in fear, or they would burn the house down trying to kill me....You and Severus would be ridiculed....chastised for letting a foul beast like me stay here. I know you would do well in my defense, Sirius....but...it is a lost cause for you to fight over me...I have lost all the fight in me.....and I am ready to die...I have been dying slowly for the past five years....I have been waiting for it eagerly.....since I was five years old.......since I was bitten. I am not running away from this...Sirius, I'm trying to help you!!" He sighed deeply. "I could never win an argument with you, or James. Being a werewolf is more horrible than you could ever understand, Sirius. Sure there are new laws being made, and there's the Wolfsbane potion, but that does not make the experience any less painful...." "You, James, Peter, and Lily were my strength, Sirius....and now all that is left is you....I can't lean on you anymore....Severus would never allow it, I will not allow myself to do so." Sirius glared at Remus, his lip was nearly curling as his beloved friend showed nothing but tail tucked weakness. It angered him, and brought out the animal in him. Weakness was a fatal flaw in the animal world, as it was in the human and Wizarding one. "Burn the house down. Are you insane Remus?" he taunted. "No one is going to burn down Snape Manor because you are living on the grounds." he said with a snort. "The Snape name along now with the Black name carries respect and commands attention. It is a new era Remus. Voldemort is Dead, gone and with him all of his Death Eater scum. We defeated the last Boogeyman of his caliber, and now we are revered AND feared! No one would think to speak ill of us or raise a word or hand to us because you live here." he paused to take a breath, then continued, he was on a terrible rant. "Besides Remus, you think too much of your affliction to suppose that the entire world sits around plotting and conspiring against you." he said voice dripping with sarcasm not unlike Severus when he was on a tear. "You are a mild mannered, meek man with a monthly affliction and an overblown sense of paranoia. If ANYONE in this house has a right to be paranoid, it's SEVERUS, the former Death Eater, or ME the Ex-Convict." he said, so angry spit was forming at the corners of his mouth. "The world is not out to get you Remus, YOU are out to get you. We survived the days of Voldemort, James and Lily did not. You shame their memories acting like you do." he said with a venomous hiss, then folded his arms across his broad chest, and glowered at Lupin. Waiting. He lowered his gaze. "You are right, as you always were, Sirius...." He looked up, the amber in his eyes dark. "You have changed, and I have not, that is the way things are. Yes...I am out to get me....even if the world is not, Yes...I am alive, Yes...you are alive, James and Lily are dead, but I have not forgotten them. I could never do that, I could never forget them, or you and Peter, because until I met you all I was worse off than I am now....." He had never managed to ever get angry save for once or twice, but he was getting closer to it. "I am not strong, Sirius, but I know when I am not welcomed, no matter how much You and Severus want to help me. You serve him and your guilt, nothing else. I don't care what happens to me, Sirius, but I do care what happens to you and Severus; and I will not be the cause of your latest anxiety attack!!" He shifted just slightly, getting firmer ground. "I don't blame you for anything Sirius, I never have, so don't make me start. I thank you, and Severus for your hospitality, but I don't want handouts, and I don't want sympathy from either of you, although I doubt Severus is capable of feeling sympathy, and I'm quite sure you're close behind him!" He closed his eyes and took a breath. He shook his head, his voice dropped back to it's normal volume. "I-I'm sorry, Sirius...I....I will be at dinner as you request, and I will bring the list of ingredients for the Wolfsbane potion...I must thank Severus in person for his kind offer to help me...I apologize profusely for coming down here to bother you..." Sirius just stood there, glaring at Remus. He was furious, and wanted nothing more than to reach out and wring Remus' neck. Instead he turned on his heel and walked away from him. "Severus will be home at 6:15, dinner is at 6:30 PROMPT. I will see you then..." he said curtly, then strode back over to his tile and stainless steel domain, and began the final preparations for dinner, after pouring himself more wine. Post a comment in response: |
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