| Current mood: |  frustrated |
Company Continued
One rather decent glass of spirits. Severus tipped the glass back. And further. Drinking slowly, carefully, but not stopping for air or getting faster until it was all gone. He swiped the barest amount of tongue over slightly wet lips, and refilled the tumbler before putting the depleted bottle on a table. He didn't speak for a while. When he did, it was rather unsettlingly calm-sounding, the kind of calm that comes before storms. "I would have thought you would have known by now, but obviously you don't." He looked at Sirius intently, scrutinising his reaction, looking for some hint.
Sirius kept his head tilted down, and remained in position. He sighed silently, then shook his head slowly. "No. I guess I don't." he said, barely above a whisper, and with a slight tremble to it. His eyes were open now, but he didn't dare look up at Severus. He stared down at the elaborate woven rug under his feet. Fine, rich and expensive like Severus. He was common, uncaring, at least for who he should be putting first, instead of himself.
He was annoyed. Very much so. To bring him in- HIM, of all people- and then to go to such artifice to conceal it, and not ask outright... Would he have reacted any differently if he hadn't felt manipulated, used? Plied with alcohol and lulled into yet another false sense of security? Probably not- he would have found something else to take offence at. But he would never admit as much to himself. To have him... Something gnawed at his insides. He shouldn't be afraid of him. Shouldn't feel threatened by him. Shouldn't feel anything whatsoever. He wanted to protest that it could have been different, but in all honesty he couldn't. The alcohol was starting to make his head buzz. "Why?" he asked, wanting some reasoning at least, some excuse.
Sirius paused before speaking, shaking his head as he did so, "I care for him. Still. Always will. Not like I love you Severus. Not any longer. I just couldn't bear to see him living like a transient under a bridge. He's like my brother Severus, I don't expect you to understand this, or me." he said softly. "I know that I have wronged you. Disrespected you. I am sorry, Master." he said then went silent, still not moving a muscle, or looking up at Severus.
"You don't trust me. Not with him." Cold realisation, he spoke the words as they hit him. He looked puzzled, thought a little, then his gaze levelled. "What did you think I would do?" he asked, curious, the hint of a smile (wicked? Possibly) curling his thin lips. He sipped at his whiskey again.
Sirius shook his head again, still looking down, "I don't know... what you would have done. I don't think you would have let me house him here." he said dully, then slightly shifted his weight from one foot to the other. "I couldn't ask. I didn't think. I just saw him there, and .... did it. I didn't think. As usual." he confessed.
Snape wasn't threatened by all that many people these days- hadn't been the type to for a long time, anyway. But now, with Voldemort finally defeated... he had allowed himself to begin to think that things would be different. But they weren't. And here he was being annoyed over the most mild-mannered person possible who he knew was no threat to his relationship with Sirius and who he knew was no physical threat, and any he did pose could be eliminated by his own talents. Stupid stupid irrational behaviour. He was growling, and unable to voice his anger. The best thing he could come up with was a seriously sulky "I am not. Happy."
Sirius scrunched down his eyes, and felt the hot tears stream down over his cheeks. He could tell how hurt Severus was, it was all in the calm of his voice and the stillness of his movements. It would be better for him if he would yell, rant, smash things, strike him, anything. But he knew he wouldn't, not unless he provoked him, and he had done enough of that for three lifetimes. This was the more painful of punishments, and they both knew it. "I have failed you Severus. I know I have caused you great hurt by this."
It was so utterly stupid he felt physically sick. He could see it. Plain as the nose on his goddamn face and it didn't come much plainer than that now, did it? Anger would well up, only to wallow back down into despondancy. He couldn't even muster up one emotion for long enough. And the worst thing of it all? He was letting that Bastard Gryffindor Werewolf ruin things for him. Again. Downed more whiskey. He wanted Remus gone, and preferrably as soon as possible, but he couldn't go and thrown him on his ear now. It was- he didn't know. He just knew he couldn't send him away right now. He turned his back, stared at the various bottles in the cabinet. "Tell him... tell him to stay as long as he needs. And he needs to give me the details for the Wolfsbane potion." He would not have any possibility of an insensate werewolf anywhere near him ever ever ever again, thank you very much.
Sirius sniffed, despite himself, then inwardly cursed himself for doing so. He knew this would be a wedge between them for as long as Remus stayed and perhaps even after he left. It may never be repaired fully. "I will tell him he must go. I am here at your pleasure, it is not my place or home to invite guests, especially those you cannot abide by." he said sullenly after a long silence.
Severus hissed. There was no other word for it. Seethed, in a pinch. "I made up a room for him, had his bags brought up, what more do you bloody well want?" he asked, and smalled down the emtpy tumbler on the table, only just finding the end and not thin air. He span around, dark eyes focussed, despite the alcohol he'd consumed, and fixed Sirius to the spot with them. "Regardless of what else you think of me, I keep my word." He was now mortally offended.
Sirius flinched as he felt the sudden surge of anger eminate from Severus, it hit him in his gut, like a hammer. "I think so highly of you Severus, more than you ever will know, and more than I show you, obviously." he sighed. He shook his head again, utterly frustrated and wanting to sink into the depths of the earth, or drink himself blind. He took in a long breath, it came out in shudders, "I know you are a man of your word Severus. I just want to make this.... right." he said, the last sounding like a plea.
Severus felt pinned down again in this room, in this house, this house he had never liked. Never really liked any place, had nowhere he called his and his alone. He;d given up trying for somewhere safe. All he wanted now was somewhere that stayed and didn't blow up and-- and whose boundaries he could control. He started to leave this room now, the walls, the ceiling, the bloody CARPET too opressive. "I ssaid he could sstay," he slurred a little, heading for the door. "Assking fur it to-be right too... is too mussh..."
Sirius sensed movement, and ventured a glance to the side when Severus' voice moved away from him. He saw him going to the door, and rushed over to block his exit from the room. "Don't say that! I can't live with that, Severus!" he shouted, placing his hands on the other wizaard's shoulders and holding him in place. "Tell me what to do! Tell me how I can make amens to you." he said, shaking Severus as he demanded of him, penance.
Two slim, pale hands pushed Sirius' inexorably off Snape's arms, as he pulled himself out of the other man's grip. "He is under my roof. He is in my HOUSE. He is sleeping here. I offered to make his potion. But you cannot, and will not make me like him, or this. I will suffer it, but I will not enjoy it. You do not rule all my emotion, Sirius. I am still me. Now please..." He stood, not fighting, wanting Sirius to back down, and not to make him. The barb in his voice warned what little patience he had left was wearing thin.
Sirius moved mercury quick, and gripped Severus by his slim pale wrists, and held him there. He was a bully, and bullies knew how to fight, in all circumstances. "I don't WANT you to bloody suffer in your own house!" he growled. "That is what I am saying, that is why I put him in the Gatehouse! So the house, this house would be yours and mine! I don't want him in the main house, I dont want him this close to .... us." he said moving his head to catch Severus' gaze with his own.
The Slytherin stopped moving, unwilling to use brute force until absolutely necessary. He'd often times been called a coward, but if that was what you called people who valued their lives, then he didn't much care and would call you a fool back. He hadn't thought that Sirius wouldn't want Remus in the house, he'd just assumed. He reviewed as much of the conversation as he tired mind could. "You would leave him out there?" he sounded a litle confused.
Sirius nodded, looking down again at the floor. "This is your home Severus. I am a guest here. Here at your pleasure. The house belongs to you," he paused as his eyes fell on the platinum band on his left ring finger, then continued. "I belong to you, no other. This is our place. I didn't want him under the same roof as you and I...." he finished, then sighed, stuffing his hands down and into his trouser pockets.
"Our," he corrected gently. His eyes flitted from side to side, scrutinising Sirius, trying to read what was written there, is there was anything he was missing? He bit at his bottom lip, barely visible, before he spoke again. "The Gate House isn't in use, much. By tomorrow night the House Elves could make any necessary arrangements..." It was part of the grounds, but not the building proper. He could... live with that. "Until something arises..." he said, still sounding a little uncertain.
"It's your house Severus. Snape Manor." he said not petulantly, but more like reciting a fact of law. "I live here by your grace and generosity." he said then at last looked up at his partner's eyes. "If it weren't for you, I would most likely be as bad off as he is." he growled softly, then looked down again. "I know your honor and reputation are paramount to you, and I apologise for forcing you into a situation you feel you had to remedy, despite your true feelings on the subject."
Apologies... were something rather new to Severus. He was... unaccustomed to them. And to hearing things he... wanted. It... Threatened to bowl him over. Being nice to him was about the worst thing anyone had ever done. He swallowed, and a little of his pride too. Not much, but some. "I shall inform the House Elves later," he nodded. he couldn't respond to a compliment. Not like he could an insult. They tended to faze him. Still a little stuffy, he drew up a bit straighter. "Now unless there is anything else... I am going to bed."
Sirius nodded to Severus' first reply, then shook his head to the second, lowering his eyes and stepping aside to allow him to pass. "Thank you again Severus, for everything." he said, voice again choked. "I will see that everything is locked down for the night." ever the guard dog, but against what? He then leaned in for a quick peck on Severus' cheek, turned, and strode off down a random hall. He wasn't sure where he was going, just that it was away from everyone in the house at the moment.
Severus wasn't sure if he was more relieved or disappointed when Sirius went off, but it happened, and that was that, he supposed. He was weary. Oh so weary. And off to a cold, lonely bed. Hopefully the drink would lull him into some form of peace. He started trudging up the stairs, trying to ignore the horrid fear he'd wake up- or not- to having his throat ripped out. Irrational. He sent a mental nod, not knowing what to say, found his room at the end of too many stairs, pulled down the sheets, and curled up on the edge of his side of the bed, pulling the covers up to his nose.
Sirius strode down the hallways of the huge mansion, pacing. He resisted shifting to his other form for reasons unknown, and just wandered. He couldn't go to bed, he couldn't face Severus, even if it would be with Severus on him from behind... He did not want to see Remus, he was angry with him, himself, everything. He was trying to be nice, to be good, and it did nothing but make everyone miserable. Why did it always turn out this way when he tried to THINK?? He at last found himself at a dead end, the cellar. He paused, considering, then pushed past the iron gate, it was unlocked, and opened silently as he entered and then skipped down the circular staircase to the celler below.
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