|Current mood:|| contemplative|
|Current music:||drive, warning both by Incubus|
crossroads cant collide......
ive come to a big decision in my life, one bigger than i thought it would be, and ive gotton into a position that someone else has been in recently, and i never meant to be in this position.....
ive been asked to be a youth director for a church that would start in september, its a new church and they want to try and get a youth ministry started, beginning with a youth group. This is kind of like a dream that i had but it wasnt one that i thought i would persue for a long while, at least until i was married, that's just the way i invisioned it.
im trying to realize the results and after affects of both actions, choosing to accept or declining. I understand that this is a big leap into the real world and I also understand that I cant stand in the surreal world forever either. I'm just not sure if I am ready or willing to leave the place that gave me so many memories and experiances in my life. Scenic Hills United Methodist Church has seemed to be there when I needed it, and I've met a variety of ppl there that I will remember. It is just hard to leave something that you've known for so long, it's almost like giving up a part of me i dont want to, because I know if I take this opportunity I won't see those ppl for a long time, or only on certain days. I'm torn between helping youth that have some-what "lost their way" almost like the way our youth group started off, where we seemed lost and together, but not held strongly together in a way, i realize and fully understand that not going would be selfish of me, for i would be making a choice for me, rather than helping others before myself. I've always known Collins as my sunday school teacher, and in a way, his talent has rubbed off on me, he awakened a gift I didn't realize I had, and I thought that in sunday school it would be the only place where it would get use. I'm afraid of wanting to leave those I've grown fond of, to go to those I don't know, as I am starting to feel about college. I understand there will be ppl I know, but it's going into that new scene that irritates me a little.
I've always liked Rober Frost's works, and I've appreciated and understood them, but it is now that i fully understand, it is now that I fully appreciate what his messages in those poems were. It seems that the convo I had with a friend about my "paranoia" has finally been realized and I see now that I focused on something small, instead of realizing the bigger picture.
Since I was informed of this option I have in front of me, I have had dreams of lessons to tell old stories to a newer crowd, lessons that would be taken in, and ones that could possibly be on a teenager's level. I have always had a strange connection with the younger crowd, and I've always been able to talk to older ppl much easier than ppl my own age, which I have improved greatly on I might add. This whole concept of doing something with my life is not a new concept, it is one I've looked forward to all my life. I have always wanted to be able to do something with my life to help others, one of the reasons I want to be a Pharmisist, especially majoring in Chemistry, so i could make the pills to heal and help ppl or be the distributer. I don't understand though what the repercussions would be for not doing this act of will. I wonder if I pass this opportunity up if it will come back again, if I will have the time, effort, abillity, or strength to do this again if I get the opportunity. I should be able to make decisions like this a lot easier, especially now that ive graduated (that was pointed out by a friend).
I feel I should move on, but I am not sure if I feel I am ready to. I am so confused on what the right decision is yet I know what would be right. I feel it is about time that I take leadership though, so I don't know what my decision will be until im able to think and vent on it for a while........so I share this advice that was given to me, it made me smile....
mr moopy33: thats what i have so far
mr moopy33: and i know it is probably boring you
al my pal87: i think you should do it
mr moopy33: i want to, i really do, and not b/c they will pay me either
mr moopy33: i just dont know if i want to give up a lot of memories and what not, im not sure if im ready to let go, but i need to grab opportunities while i can, before they are gone, ive learned my lesson on that way to many times
mr moopy33: its long but its what i have so far
sarahelise007: i agree.. take it
mr moopy33: hmmm...
mr moopy33: heres the rest of the convo i had with her
mr moopy33: al my pal87: you've graduated from high school its time to move on
al my pal87: this is the kind of stuff you're supposed to do once you graduate
mr moopy33: i know
sarahelise007: i mean i dont know that much about u so i cant make any assumptions..but from what i do know you seem to be one of the most selfless, sincere and most christian-like person i've ever met. i think it would be a shame to not see you in a leadership position. i know that u r afraid of giving up ur community, but i really dont think u would b in all ways giving it up. i think that this opportunity seems to be perfect for you. i fyou want this...go get it
mr moopy33: that is a good point
mr moopy33: a very good point
sarahelise007: did it help a but
sarahelise007: i think you are right for theposition.
sarahelise007: your not shy.lol
sarahelise007: very nice and you always cheer people up
sarahelise007: and you have a devotion to church
sarahelise007: ur perfect for it.
mr moopy33: hmmm....
mr moopy33: and yet i can still be crazy
mr moopy33: isnt that awsome
sarahelise007: but ur cool
mr moopy33: im the most religious of our jew crew and im also the craziest a lot
mr moopy33: completely awsome
sarahelise007: yes yes it is
sarahelise007: well based on his hair...james is alitlle crazy too
mr moopy33: oh i know
mr moopy33: he is, and kelly is, but im the one that does the actions
sarahelise007: im sorry if i havent helped...my speciality is cheering people up in relationship problems...well basically relationship advice
sarahelise007: i think ur pretty fly
sarahelise007: for a wannabe jewish guy
mr moopy33: hhahhaa
mr moopy33: nice attempt to parody a parodied song
It amazes me how I know some of the coolest ppl.....
That is one of the biggest things I'm thankful for....
two quotes that put what im going through into song....incidentally both by Incubus
"sometimes i feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear....."
".....she woke in the morning she knew her life had passed her by, she called out a warning, dont ever let life pass you by, i suggest we learn to love ourselves before its made illegal, when will we learn when will we change, just in time to see it all fall down......"