|Current mood:|| indifferent|
well.. I think I got the hang of this thing finally, knew I could do it eventually. I have to be getting ready for work here in a few minutes but I had some things on my mind so I thought I would put them on here while I had a moment. I had a lot of things running through my mind this morning when I was trying to sleep. I did a lot of thinking about some important people to me in my life and what roles I'm going to *allow* them to play, because let's be honest, if you know me well at all, you know that I only let people get so close to me I almost dictate what they are to me. I like being in control and I like to know what I'm facing, I know nothing is a given and life is a crapshoot but if I can get things just the way I want them, I'm sure going to try. Anyways.. I called Sam the other night and talked to her for the first time in a while, I realized how much I miss her. Talking to her made me want to work harder at fixing things between us. The last few months while we've been seperated I've met a lot of people, hung out with some women, and even discovered feelings I had for one of them. She isn't looking for a relationship at the moment, she's busy with work and school and all.. but it made me wonder what exactly I wanted. I have this girl in NY that I love and that I know loves me and then I have this girl who doesn't even realize I like her. "just friends" what kind of thing is that to say to someone anyways? There is no good that can come out of someone saying that to another person.. Anyways.. I guess all I can really say for sure is that women are complicated, almost as complicated as I can be. I have a million things running through my head and can make sense of very little of it but it helped to put it out like that. I have to be going though, type to you later.